Americans and the atomic bomb…and then there was Stalin,” he said. “When I think of all the blood that ran through the fields of Europe, not once, but twice, and in the end, it changed nothing. The result was more bad human behavior.”
“I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but you’re being unfair,” I said. “The United States’ use of the bomb, however cruel, doesn’t compare to the horrors unleashed by the Nazis and Stalin. The argument could be made that some humans did try to make a difference. The U.S. helped end the war, however brutal the means. The Resistance was also full of humans trying to stop fascism.”
“You weren’t there to see the lapses in judgment, the betrayal, the bottom feeders living off the misery of others,” he said bitterly.
“That is the essence of being human,” I said. “We don’t have the luxury of watching from hundred-year old seats. We make a choice in the moment. Some of us make poor choices; some of us rise to the occasion. Life is the struggle we all face to eke out a meaningful existence.” I had no idea where my impassioned speech had come from. I’m generally not that philosophical.
“You’ve proved my point,” he said, his voice rising. “Humans are incapable of change.”
It was my turn to get angry. His bias bordered on the ridiculous. “OK, I get your point, although I fundamentally disagree with your perspective,” I said. “Let’s move on. Tell me what happened after the war.”
“Nineteen forty-six marked the end of my formal connection with the Council. I didn’t have the heart for it anymore,” he said. “Eventually, though, the Council began to contact me to work on small projects. My years in the resistance were fruitful. I had connections across Europe. I was discreet and could assimilate into any environment. I agreed to search for things that had disappeared.”
“Disappeared?’ I said. “What kinds of things disappear?”
“When an Other wants to hide from this world,” he said, “they can do it quite successfully. I helped track them down.”
I laid my head back down on my pillow and closed my eyes. I was relieved to finally learn more about William’s life, but his view of humans was bringing me down. I hoped I could restore some of his faith in humanity.
“Have you ever been asked to track one of these Serbian mobsters?”
“I have, which is why I am asking you not to go looking for trouble,” he said. “Hopefully no one saw you and you can just forget the robbery ever took place.”
As far as he was concerned, I was an interventionist and he was the isolationist.
“I’m not looking for trouble,” I said. “But I would like to know more about the people who tried to blind me. Don’t you think I am entitled to know?”
“You know what they say about curiosity,” he retorted. “Why are you so stubborn? Why can’t you take my word for it and agree not to search for them?”
Here we were again, facing William’s lack of confidence in human decision-making, only this time it was the merits of this human and her judgment. I’d had enough. My eyes no longer ached, but the rest of me did, chiefly my heart.
“Listen, I don’t think I can discuss this with you anymore,” I said. “I’m feeling better so I’d like to ask you to leave so I can go to sleep.”
“You’re kicking me out?” William asked incredulously. “I thought I would spend the night and look after you.”
“I appreciate the offer,” I said, trying to keep a brave face. “I think I would rather be alone.”
William stared at me. “Olivia, again, I’m sorry. I think I may have said too much,” he said. “I’ll try to be more open to your point of view.”
I patted his hand. “I’m exhausted and I really need to be alone,” I repeated. Begrudgingly, he rose from the bed.
“Come down and lock the door behind me,” he said as he left my room. When we were at the front door, he turned to me, “Promise me you won’t do anything until we can talk again?”
I nodded, allowing him to kiss me goodnight. Shutting the door, I could feel the tears forming at the corners of my eyes. I didn’t see how we could continue. It seemed impossible that I could have a relationship with a man who had such a low opinion of humankind, and who was so opposed to the things I wanted to do.