a ready-made babysitter." She pointed at herself with both hands. "Well, and my dad. If it would make you feel better, we can do the family thing. Everyone get together at my place, and you can take the chance to talk to him? See if he's even got a chance?"
"I'm not just talking about your brother," I told her, "I simply don't know how to do this. I don't know if I should do this. I mean, my goal is to show Gabby what it means to be a strong woman, but I'm not one - "
"You are," she insisted. "Maybe not the snarky, brazen kind of strong, but what you've been through? It takes strength, Elena. Divorce isn't easy."
"Yeah, but dating? The paperwork for our separation has barely been filed. Is it too soon?"
She leaned closer. "Does it feel like it's too soon, or does the idea of dating appeal to you?"
I found myself plucking at my lower lip, honestly considering that. The truth was that it did, but in a movie or good book sort of way. Dating still felt like something that happened to other people. Something I'd given up when I put on that white dress. But I was legally separated, and soon enough, I'd be divorced. It was all final but for the arguing. There was no reason not to date - except my own fears about failing.
So I nodded. "I do kinda miss sex. The problem is that I have no idea how to be a good example to Gabby and make that happen. I mean, is she going to think her mom's a slut if I see too many guys too fast? And how many guys is that?"
"Or would it teach her not to be ashamed of her own sexuality?" Ashley countered. "I mean, seeing her mom deal with the problems of forming a relationship would be a pretty good example for her."
All I could do was roll my eyes, but it was with a smile, because she had a point. Why was it ok for a man to brag about his sexual prowess, but not a woman? And while I'd been raised to blame pregnancy - since the girl would be stuck with the kid - that wasn't fair either. I would much rather have my daughter know that it was ok to ask for birth control than end up a grandmother too soon. I also wanted her to be confident enough to never stay with a man who expected her to put him and his needs first.
But Ashley was so focused on Ian that she hadn't considered the other options. "You know, Lane is closer to my age," I casually pointed out.
She just smiled. "He is."
"And there's no harm in a little flirting, right?" Because I liked this idea. I honestly did. "Unless you've got a thing with one of them?"
"Ian's friends?" she gasped. "No. Gross. They may as well be my brothers. No, not even going there."
So that was one problem I didn't need to worry about. "Ok, so this is kinda like practice? You know, because I really do not want to end up as an old cat lady."
"Very true, and cats suck. So what happens when things go from there? When one of them takes you up on the flirting and it turns into dating?"
In one breath, my best friend had just made this feel very real. "I don't know," I admitted. "And that's the problem, because I honestly don't have a clue. I can tell you they're sexy, but that's about it."
"They?" she asked, sounding a little too excited.
"Your brother, Lane, or whoever else I might flirt with. A generic potential-man who may or may not live next door, but probably doesn't."
With one hand, she began massaging the bridge of her nose. "But you aren't dead. Being a mom doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be human, Elena. Just flirt, ok? Try it once and report back. Tell yourself it's a part of the job, practice so you can charm the clients or something. I don't care. I'm just so sick and tired of seeing you try to martyr yourself because you have a child. Is this what you'd want for her if she ever gets divorced?"
"No," I shot back.
"And what if she had a daughter? What would you tell her?"
I sighed, knowing very well that she was right. "That she deserves to be happy too."
"And so do you. Hell, I'll even do you one better. I'll