My stomach was in knots as I walked into the juice bar. I'd texted Ashley telling her I'd be here, but her response had been a bit cold. Not that I could blame her, really. I'd missed yoga for almost a month now, and getting a smoothie was something we typically did after our workouts. Still, the moment I was inside, I saw her.
Blonde, beautiful, and as relaxed as ever, she'd claimed a booth at the front and was sipping on something disturbingly green. I lifted my hand in greeting, but it was weak and pathetic. When Ashley smiled back, one tiny weight left my shoulders. Unfortunately, there was plenty more to keep me mired in misery. Right now, our friendship was all I had left, and if I lost that while trying to get the rest of my life together, I wasn't sure what I'd do, so I did the only thing I could. I slid onto the bench seat across from her.
"Sorry I'm late," I mumbled.
"It's ok," she promised. "You getting something?"
"Uh..." I quickly ran over how much cash I had in my purse, then waved that off. "No, I just really wanted to talk to you."
"Ok." But she still raised her hand to flag down the waitress. "Another one of these and a strawberry cream for my friend?"
"Ash!" I hissed.
"Oh, don't even try that. I am not pigging out on my own."
The look she gave me was supposed to be intimidating, but in the best friend sort of way. The truth was that we both knew what she was doing, and I loved her a little more for it. The moment the high school kid left to fill the order, Ashley leaned closer and grabbed my hand, forcing me to stop fidgeting.
"Elena, what's going on?" she asked. "I'm worried about you."
Time for the moment of truth. I gripped her fingers a little tighter and took a very deep breath before blurting out, "I'm leaving Gerardo."
"Ok..." she drawled. "Did something happen between you two?"
"Gabby." I stopped, hoping that was enough of an answer, but the look on my best friend's face said it wasn't even close, so I continued. "A while ago, I was trying to tell her to stand up for herself, and she told me I shouldn't talk because I wasn't any better!"
Slowly, Ashley nodded, looking like she was trying to process that. "So, you're leaving your husband because your daughter mouthed off? Elena, I love you, but that doesn't make any sense."
I paused, seeing the kid returning with our drinks. Ashley looked up, pointed out which one went where, and then took a polite sip of hers as the server wandered away again. Me? I slowly turned the glass back and forth, hoping it would make my apology to my friend a little easier.
"That's why I haven't been around," I finally admitted, my voice a whispered breath. If I tried to say that louder, I knew she'd hear the tension of these nerves I was fighting. "I've been saving money, trying to put something away so I can have a deposit for a place to live. He'll never let me have the house, and there's no way I could afford it without his income. Plus there's Gabby to think of, and -"
"Hold on," Ashley said. Her confidence had the strangest way of soothing me. Just that tone of voice made me feel like she would put this whole talk back on track. "What's going on in your marriage?"
"Um, I don't think he respects me."
She leaned closer. "Details. I am your best friend. I'm not here to judge you, just to listen and help. So, how about we start at the beginning, ok?"
I jiggled my head in something meant to be a nod. Then I took a sip of the smoothie, swallowed it, and sighed like all my anxiety would flow out with that breath. Easier said than done, but if I was going to stop being so meek, then this was my first step. Ashley would understand. She had to.
"When I was pregnant with Gabby, I think he cheated. He said he didn't, and that I was just paranoid, so I believed him. That was the first crack. And then, when she was born, he always worked a lot. He said it was because my kid cost so much, and he needed the overtime. My kid, Ash. Not ours. But I let it go."
"And that was, what? Fourteen years ago? Why now?"