Withering Tights - By Louise Rennison Page 0,33

letter back to him?”

I said, “You won’t, unless you want to jog over to Woolfe Academy disguised as a sea cadet.”

She said, “Well that settles it then, you have to come, otherwise his mates will turn up and feel like lemons.”

And she stomped off like it was a done deal.

I said to Vaisey, “The fly in her argument is that when she says, ‘they’ will feel like lemons, we don’t know who ‘they’ are. And ‘they’ might BE lemons.”

CHAPTER 11

Night of the Vampire Bats

Surely Phil might have mentioned if one of his mates

had a trunk…

Idon’t know why I am so bothered about this ‘date’.

I’m not even officially on the date.

We had to go and try and get permission from Sidone to go to the cinema at night time. She was in her inner chamber, um, I mean office. She was lying down on a chaise longue with a cup of tea.

“Darlings, I am ex-hausted, I had a call from a friend directing Cats and he has bled me dry. I have practically redesigned the whole thing lying on this chaise longue. Sit, sit.”

We sat, sat.

“It beggars belief that he would only realise he didn’t have enough cat costumes the day before he opens. They can be an ugly, demanding crowd in Cleckheaton. I know, I gave my Ophelia there and someone called the social services. Sometimes this profession is a tyranny. Still, darlings, you came to see me for something?”

I said, “We’d like to go to the cinema in Skipley on Wednesday night, because we were thinking that for the lunchtime performance we could, um, use some of the ideas and themes from the film.”

She was very, very interested. Unfortunately. And swept her hair back. “What are you thinking? What is this germ, this shoot you are nurturing? Is it an interior idea? What is the film?”

And Jo said, “Well…it’s called…Night of the Vampire Bats.”

She said, “Yes, and what is it about?”

Jo said helpfully, “It’s set at night.”

Sidone was looking into the distance and twirling her earrings. “Ah, the night. The mysterious, shadowy underworld that covers so many, many broken dreams.”

I thought she was going to start crying she was so moved by her broken dreams.

Jo stumbled on, “But, but, really I think it’s about…um…an interior darkness.”

I was just about to say, “That bats must feel because they can’t see much.” But luckily Sidone stood up.

“Marvellous! I utterly see where you are going with this…it’s the long dark night of the soul, isn’t it?”

I was inwardly thinking, you can say that again, but outwardly saying, “Um.”

Anyway, we are allowed to go. Amazingly.

As we came out of her office, she shouted after us, “Strive, strive for authenticity, my dears. Even when you feel the cold tremors of fear and bleakness tearing and biting at your heels.”

As we closed the door to her inner sanctum, I said, “I think I can feel my feet beginning to bleed quite a lot.”

I was exhausted from lying. I’m so useless at it.

Vaisey said to Jo, “You said that Night of the Vampire Bats was about interior darkness.”

I said, “Well it will be. It’s really dark in the cinema.”

Jo was pleased because we had got away with it. She shook her little head and said, “Yes, OK, it is about bats…but mostly…it’s…about my very first date!!!!”

I said bitterly, “It’s alright for you, but me and Vaisey don’t know if we are officially on a date or just part of an away-day package supersaver. Three for the price of one.”

Jo looked up at both of us and said, “I know you are doing this for me, and I’d just like to say thank you, my new friends.”

And she gave us a friendly biff on the arm to show how very pleased she was.

For a small girl she packs quite a punch.

As we strolled to the gates to go home, I shouted back, “Didn’t you say that Phil is too small for you?”

Jo shouted back like I was a bit thick, “Tallulah, it’s the cinema. We’ll be sitting down.”

The next evening, in the dressing room of life. Otherwise known as Vaisey’s room in The Blind Pig. Even though I am on a not-really-date, I am still nervous.

I have make-up on and Vaisey has made my hair go va va voom with her hairdryer. Anyway, now Vaisey and Ruby want me to try a red dress on. It’s Vaisey’s and she says it’s too long for her.

I said, “No, I don’t wear dresses.”

They both went on and on, and