Withering Tights - By Louise Rennison Page 0,28
would call athletic. Well, what you could call her is a really odd-looking barrel thing with short, stubby legs. But she is the friendliest doggy in the world and loves everyone.
Ruby said, “Matilda wanted to see you.”
And then Matilda threw herself at the bed. She meant to come up on the bed with us, but she is too short, so she just kept hurling herself at it and bouncing off the side. Sometimes she would manage to get her front legs on the bed before she slowly toppled off. It was very funny.
Ruby got into the bottom of the bed and tucked herself in.
She said, “Come on Matilda, upsy daisy.”
Which was a bit mean as it was never going to happen unless someone brought a ladder.
In the end we hauled her up and into bed with us. It made us laugh a lot seeing her tucked up under the sheets.
Especially when Ruby went and got Matilda’s special Noddy sleeping hat.
The volume downstairs in the pub got louder, as did the singing.
I said, “What is that song they are singing? Is it an old Yorkshire ditty, you know, like that ‘On Ilkley Moor Bar T’at’?”
Ruby said, “Nah, it’s a football song. It goes ‘We hate Chelsea, we hate Chelsea, we are the Chelsea haters’.”
CHAPTER 10
Lying in my squirrel room
With my squirrel slippers on
When we woke up on Saturday morning I had been sleeping on my face. Partly because I woke up in the middle of the night thinking that I was having a heart attack. My chest was all heavy and I couldn’t breathe properly. Then I realised that Matilda was sleeping on it. So I pushed her on to the back of my legs and slept the other way round.
It was not the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had, because I had Ruby’s foot practically up my bottom as well. But it was sort of cosy.
When I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, it was like Matilda staring back at me because my face was all squashy and flattened.
Vaisey said, “Put hot flannels on it and sort of smooth it out.”
She is a mine of beauty tips.
We were meeting Honey and Jo and Flossie at eleven o’clock at the bus stop.
Vaisey was ‘modelling’ things that she might wear. It was a lovely day, no sign of imminent fog, so she was going for a ‘summer girl’ look.
She’s got lots of nice dresses. I don’t really know about dresses, I am so busy trying to disguise my legs and knees.
I said to Vaisey, “I wish I could wear stuff like you do.”
She was trying on a little denim dress and said, “You will, your legs are bound to stop growing soon.”
In the end I put my jeans on, but I did borrow a studded leather belt from Vaisey which looked good, I think. Vaisey did my eyeliner thing and I wore a bit of dark pink lip gloss.
Flossie, Honey and Jo were all at the stop when we got there. They’d got out on to the roof last night and were really excited about it.
Jo said, “It was brilliant, we danced around in our pyjamas and no one knew we were up there!”
Flossie said, “We could have stayed up there all night and they wouldn’t have known.”
Jo said, “I’d kept some bread and butter back from supper and we ate that. Outdoors. On the roof.”
I said to Honey, “Did you go eat bread and butter on the roof?”
She said, “I did go up, yeth, but it wath fweething and there wath bird poo.”
I said, “We had a bulldog in our bed.”
Flossie said, “You lucky, lucky person. You have all the luck.”
The bus for Skipley arrived. It was quite full. When I asked for five returns to Skipley, please, the bus driver said, “You’ll not come back from Skipley, lass, no one does. You’re all doomed!!!! Especially since I will be driving today with no hands.”
Then he started laughing and put his hands behind his back.
A woman at the front said, “Take no notice, love, he amuses himself.”
Then a grumpy voice from the back said, “What’s the bloody hold up? Ay, aren’t you that gangly one that kicked me on the train? I’m eighty-five you know, by the time you bloody lot get on, I’ll be nearer eighty-six.”
We sat very near the front.
And everyone looked at me when they got off, like I was an old-person kicker.
Which I am.
It took us about half an hour to get to Skipley,