Withering Tights - By Louise Rennison Page 0,18

“I saw the snake, I saw the snake, and the snake saw me.”

Lav went off backwards and walked back on a minute later, slowly carrying an egg.

The snakes were still giving it their all with the scarves. Lavinia said in a dramatic voice, “We come from eggs, but some of us are eggier than others.”

She looked at the snakes, they looked back, and then they all smiled ironically.

They were still smiling ironically as the light went down very, very slowly.

Sidone started clapping so we joined in. I don’t know why.

Gudrun, who was right at the front, was looking back at us and beaming like she had just seen an elephant reading a poetry book.

Afterwards, Lav and Dav and Noos explained what it was about. Lav said, “I think what we were trying to get to is…you know, our sort of similar eggness. How women should stick together and support each other.”

One of the snakes (Dav) said, “Yes, the bit where I come on and I’m still being the snake…but I am aware of the of the…”

Lavinia said, “Of the egg?”

And Noos nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes, yes, yes exactly.”

Lavinia interrupted. “Yes, good point, Dav, and in fact one that I was just about to make…thanks for that. I wonder if anyone in the audience noticed that I became more egg-shaped during the performance?”

The next day, Sidone announced that our performance project for the summer course is Wuthering Heights. The fifteen of us have to adapt and present an original reworking of it. Sidone said, “Go out and see what the countryside suggests to you.”

Outside in the warm sunshine again, I began to cheer up. The friends had been nice to me about the hiddly diddly thing, in fact, Vaisey said, “It was unique.”

And the others nodded.

Jo said, “It was almost in a way…so weird that you might be…well, known for your weirdness.”

That’s good, isn’t it?

I felt smooth and purry, like a cat in a cream shop. With new friendies and no grown ups to tell me off. I know that the Dobbins are officially grown ups, but their idea of telling you off is to only give you a small bit of cake.

So everything was looking up, apart from having no boys to look at yet. We had the afternoon off for sketching and ideas.

I said, “So, Woolfe Academy is somewhere over there. On the other side of the woods.”

Flossie said, “Maybe we should go in the direction of the sign and see what it suggests to us.”

Milly and Tilly and the rest of the others forged off down by the river, and our little group went in the vague direction of Woolfe Academy.

After two minutes of pretend looking at stuff we were out of sight of Dother Hall and found a comfy tree with soft grass underneath it.

I said, “This soft grass suggests ‘softness’ to me, but also at the same time ‘lying-down-ness’.”

As we lay around the tree, Vaisey had obviously been thinking about Honey and her snogging stories. She said, “How did you get a boy to kiss you the first time? Did you say ‘give us a kiss’?”

Honey lay down on her back and, putting her legs up against the tree, said, “Well, yeth, in a way. I did it with my eyeth. I did eyeth work.”

Eyeth work?

Honey reckons that girls should be the ones who decide stuff.

Flossie said, “Well that’s all very well for you, you smoothy smooth person, but I’m quite big. I think I frighten boys with my bigness.”

I said, “And your violence.”

Flossie said, “Granted.”

Honey was still being the Love expert. She said, “If you think you are gorguth then boyth think tho too.”

That was a novel idea.

Honey said, “You thtart off with thinking about yourthelf in all your glorwee.”

I said, “I don’t think I’ve got a glorwee.”

Vaisey said, “She means in all your glory.”

And she really did mean that. Not in all your glory with all your clothes on, but in all your glory in the er…in the buenas noches señor. In the pink pyjamas. Or as the French say, dans votre sans pantalons.

She said that we had to love every bit of ourselves and stop criticising our knees.

We should imagine we are in the buenas noches señor and feel free.

Jo said, “Like in that book where the boys all go native.”

Honey said, “Yeth, thort of, but don’t they eat each other in the end?”

Honey got up slowly. “Say, pwoudly…Oooooohhhh, I’m gorguth!”

We all sat there.

She said, “Do you want boyfwendth?”

We got up.

She said, “Follow my inthtwucthionth.”

She