Rune forced herself to take her stare off the floor and look at Strad, because she knew, she knew he’d be looking at her.
She didn’t want to see what he was about to show her.
She shook her head and the tears standing in her eyes overflowed. “No. Berserker. God, no. The portal will close.”
“Sweetheart,” was all he could manage, but that was enough.
She pushed her fist against her mouth, unable to stop crying, to stop shaking.
He leaned forward, still holding his son, and kissed her forehead. “Go now.”
And really, what choice did she have?
She’d understood when she brought him there what his decision might be.
She turned away, her body shaking, her heart breaking, and when he called her name, just before she left the room, she thought maybe…maybe he’d changed his mind.
“I love you,” he said.
She nodded, smiling through her tears. “I know.” Then she turned to leave.
And once again, for the last time, she stopped before she went through the doorway. “In the morning I‘ll be just inside the gates of Wormwood. If you can’t come…”
He just nodded.
“Brasque,” she said. “Walk with me. I need a word.”
After her talk with Flesh Shimmer lord, she walked away with a heavy heart and a velvet-lined case containing Owen Five’s eyes.
She forced herself to leave the castle, the shimmer, and the berserker.
And she didn’t look back.
That night, she buried her pain and swallowed her sorrow in the arms of her Z.
She’d have to live with a shattered heart for eternity, because she would live forever and her heart would never mend.
Chapter Fifty-Four
The next morning, she met with the citizens of Skyll. It was time to do her one last duty and appoint a king.
“Lex. Say something.” She’d chosen Wormwood for the gathering. It felt right. Wormwood was part of them all.
And afterwards, she was going home.
She stood on a rock the size of a car. It was completely flat on the top with enough step-like indentations to make climbing it easy.
Z, Owen, Strad, and Roma stood a little distance away, giving her some time alone with Lex. She’d almost decided to keep the story of Ariessin from Lex. Almost.
Lex shook her head. “I don’t know what to say. I have a father. A demon. A man with a fucking name. And he’s here.” She turned to pace the rock, hugging herself. “I knew he was here. Remember?”
“I remember.”
Rune’s spark was dimming.
She was so tired. Tired of losing people.
Tired of choices.
She had to go home. She could not leave a world full of Others—their numbers already lessening because of her—to die.
She could not leave Jack to his demons. She could not leave the twins, or Raze. She could never leave her Ellie.
“Lex,” she asked. “What are you thinking?”
Lex couldn’t look at her.
“Oh, Lex.”
“I need to see to my own destiny. I need to find my blood. My roots. I need to find a parent better than the one I grew up with. But I can’t stay if I’m worried about you. Tell me you’ll be okay. Tell me that, promise me that, and let me go, Rune.” She sobbed, her hands crossed over her heart.
Holding in the pain.
“Okay, baby. Do what you have to do.”
“It won’t be goodbye,” Lex said, desperately. “I’ll come home.”
But she knew the portal would close with Rune’s departure.
She knew it would be goodbye.
Rune understood. She’d wanted the same things Lex wanted. Had wanted them for so very long. Of course she understood.
She didn’t like it, but Lex…
Lex needed to follow her own path.
“Lex. If Ariessin is your father, and he’s one of my creators…”
Lex’s eyes widened and she slapped a hand over her mouth. Her eyes filled immediately with tears. “Don’t say it,” she finally whispered. “Don’t make it harder.”
So Rune shut her mouth and pulled the girl to her. She held her for as long as she could.
Not forever, because she had to go home.
She had to.
Finally, she went to Z.
“I wouldn’t hesitate,” he said, his arms around her. “If I could go with you, I would go. I…God, I love you, Rune Alexander. I’ve loved you forever.”
She closed her eyes and pressed her face into his chest, barely able to speak. “I’m losing you again. I’m losing everyone. And it feels like dying.”
“Stay, sweet thing,” he begged. “Stay with me.”
Stay.
“Will I forget?” she asked. “Will I forget Ellis? Will I forget Gunnar? Will I forget that I withheld the cure from a world of sick and dying Others?”