simple question. "Are you experiencing Imposter Syndrome or something?"
He looked at me in question, as if he hadn't considered that.
"I'm not sure," he finally answered, and lowered his gaze to my lips. "It's like whenever I want to kiss you, feel my hands on your body, or make a simple move, it's like a part of my mind opens up and begins to tell me that I don't deserve you. That you're such a sacred being that I'm not even close to your match."
My eyes widened at his words as he closed his eyes in shame. "It happens with Finnick, too, and when I'm around Connor and Jax, the same happens only it's perceived as though they're better suitors in this group relationship than I."
"You know that's not true!"
"I know," he admitted and hugged me once more. "I know. I swear I do, but it's a constant on and off battle, and it's beginning to drive me insane. I decided to go to the school pharmacy and see if there was anything I could take to help without bothering anyone. Like an over the counter medication to stop the voices. There was a guy who suggested I take these black capsules that help."
Black capsules?!
"Kaito? When was this?" I asked as I moved back to meet his gaze once more.
"A few weeks ago? I got them refilled before the beginning of the month, but when I went back to ask more about the side effects, he was gone. I've tried to seek him out, but the other staff said they don't release the names of substitute teachers."
"Do you remember what he looks like?"
"Not really," he admitted. "To be honest, at one point I thought it was Elijah, but then when I looked again, the man wasn't him. I assumed it was just the side effects of the capsules since some medication causes hallucinations. It's what reinforced me to try and see who the substitute was, but I still can't get his information and don't have further access."
"Did the pills help?" I asked, while my mind tried to process everything and make a note to find out who this man was. "And do you still have some left?"
"Ya, I have about two capsules left. I decided to stop taking them because they seemed to be doing the opposite of helping me. The voices have multiplied, and I can't seem to concentrate during kendo practice. I've been doing the added training to help with my distracted mind, and I've noticed I do the best when training with you in the room."
"Me?" I pondered.
"Ya. I don't know why, Brianne. It's like the sight of you blocks the thoughts away from trying to suffocate my mind. It may sound cheesy, but having you around brings a lot more relief, like I've finally walked into a room of clear air and inhaled it for the first time after months of polluted smoke. You make me feel sane again, and I just don't understand why I've waited this long to tell you all of this."
"It's okay," I comforted and pressed my hands on his shoulders. "At least you told me now. We can get those pills checked and see if they've been tampered with."
"Brianne," his voice trembled. "What if Master finds out and kicks me out of training? He can't know I've been taking these. He'll lecture me about the rules like I’m an idiot and-"
"Kaito." My voice was firm enough to get through the anxious fog flooding through him.
Affection brings clarity.
Marianna’s words came through to me, writing a narrative in my mind as the wheels of my thinking process began formulating a plan. Multitasking was always my strong suit, and I took advantage of that as I wrapped my arms around Kaito's neck.
"Just for a few seconds, Kaito. Stop thinking," I said the very words before kissing him softly on the lips. He froze in place at my touch, but the longer I kissed him, the more relaxed he became.
It felt like the rushing clutter of emotions began to subside, as though the dark clouds were drifting away and allowing the rays of sunshine and hope to flitter through with clarity.
I decided to be risky by breaking the kiss and gliding my tongue along his bottom lip. My eyes opened slightly to see his indecisiveness, but he very gently bit my bottom lip and tugged it.
When I took his lips once more, it was with intensity before I slipped my tongue into his mouth. It was