That after everything he'd gone through I still couldn't sleep until I knew he was safe in the same bed as me or in the arms of Brianne? That I still worried something would happen that just pushed him off the brink of self-destruction and I'd lose him forever like a single balloon slipping from my grasp and entering the sky to drift away for all eternity?
"Worried about me?" he concluded with a smirk. "You worry too much, Kaito. Nothing is gonna happen to me." His wink at the end was followed with him reaching out for my hand. "Wanna walk down the beach for a bit?"
"S-Sure," I concluded and reached to place my hand in his. The way he squeezed my hand sent shocks through me, but I wasn't sure if they were good or bad.
What the hell is wrong with me? Did I drink something bad or something?
We moved off the rock to head down the beach, the crashing waves moving closer to our walking path and seemingly getting rid of our footsteps as we continued our walking date.
I shouldn't feel uneasy still, like something bad was going to happen, and yet my heart still couldn’t stop beating so furiously. It was like we were running at full speed and not walking hand in hand.
"You've been tense today," Finnick pointed out. "Something bothering you still?"
I looked at him. He met my gaze, and I couldn't help but come to a dramatic stop. As if predicting my movement, he stopped as well, his eyes never leaving mine as I swallowed the lump in my throat that thought to keep me silent.
Why do I feel so anxious lately? Is it because of the exam? Is there something I'm ignoring? What the hell is wrong with me?
"Are you still having nightmares?" Finnick asked, his question surprising me enough for it to show on my face. Finnick nodded slowly and suddenly pulled me into a hug.
"It's okay to still feel a little anxious from that experience. It's thanks to Brianne we somehow got out of it, but you're still having dreams about that experience?"
All I could do was hug him back as I slowly nodded into his shoulder. It was the only excuse I could go with to try and hide the reality of my confusion. I didn't know what was wrong with me, or if the contribution to my growing anxiety was due to our past exam.
I'd talked to Brianne about it just a few hours earlier, and she'd given me a sense of relief and even boosted my confidence.
Why did that suddenly change? Could it have really been due to our brief interaction with that blonde chick?
"I hate feeling like this," I muttered against his skin. "Feeling like everything is bottling up inside me and is at the brink of bursting. It's like my anxiety is eating me up inside, and I don't know what to do about it. There's no danger around us or anything. Nothing is trying to tear us apart. Not even death...yet I can't get this feeling out of me. I want to enjoy this vacation to the fullest, but I'm just worried about everything going downhill."
"It's okay to feel worried," Finnick whispered and moved back to meet my worried eyes with loving ones. "That was like Semester Five. It was like a clock continued to tick down, as though my life became a countdown until the next catastrophe hit me. I would let the anxiety consume me. Wake up in the middle of the night and be crippled by it. I hid it well, but now that I've had the time to think about it, I really shouldn't have bottled all of it inside. I had all this worry bottled inside when I was surrounded by those who could help me feel reassured, like no matter what occurred in the near future, you'd have my back. I didn't have to say anything for you all to be there for me, and it made all those nights worrying about the future feel like a waste of time and internal agony."
He gave me a comforting smile as he whispered, "You can share what's troubling you with me whenever. Even if it doesn't make sense to you. It may not even make sense to me, but at least it's out in the open. It's free from creating a house inside you that hoards those emotions and fights to suffocate you."