breeze against the plastered masonry. The glossy banana trees grew so high and dense they made a jungle clear back to the brick wall.
It was like his patient, this old place - beautiful yet forgotten by time, by urgency.
Her face might be pretty still if it were not so utterly lifeless. Did she see the delicate purple clusters of wisteria, shivering against the screens, the writhing tangle of other blooms? Could she see all the way through the trees to the white columned house across the street?
Once he had ridden upstairs with her and her nurse in the quaint yet powerful little elevator with its brass gate and worn carpet. No change in Deirdre's expression as the little car began to rise. It made him anxious to hear the churning machinery. He could not imagine the motor except as something blackened and sticky and ancient, coated with dust.
Of course he had questioned the old doctor at the sanitarium.
'I remember when I was your age,' said the old doctor. 'I was going to cure all of them. I was going to reason with the paranoiacs, and bring the schizophrenics back to reality, and make the catatonics wake up. You give her that shot every day, son. There's nothing there anymore. We just do our best to keep her from getting worked up now and then, you know, the agitation.'
Agitation? That was the reason for these powerful drugs? Even if the shots were stopped tomorrow it would be a month before the effects had fully worn off. And the levels used were so high they might have killed another patient. You had to build up to a dosage like that.
How could anyone know the true state of the woman when the medication had gone on for so long? If only he could run an electroencephalogram...
He'd been on the case about a month when he sent for the records. It was a routine request. No one noticed. He sat at his desk at the sanitarium all afternoon struggling with the scrawl of dozens of other physicians, the vague and contradictory diagnoses - mania, paranoia, complete exhaustion, delusions, psychotic break, depression, attempted suicide. It went all the way back to the girl's teens apparently. No, even before. Someone had seen her for 'dementia' when she was ten years old.
What were the specifics behind these abstractions? Somewhere in the mountain of scribble he found that she had borne a girl child at eighteen, given it up, suffered severe paranoia.'
Is that why they had given her shock treatments in one place and insulin shock in another? What had she done to the nurses who over and over again quit on account of 'physical attacks'?
She had 'run away' at one point, been 'forcibly committed' again. Then pages were missing, whole years uncharted. 'Irreversible brain damage' was noted in 1976. 'Patient sent home. Thorazine prescribed to prevent palsy, mania.'
It was an ugly document, telling no story, revealing no truth. And it discouraged him, finally. Had a legion of other doctors talked to her the way he did now when he sat beside her on the side porch?
'It's a beautiful day, isn't it, Deirdre?' Ah, the breeze here, so fragrant. The scent of the gardenias was suddenly overpowering, yet he loved it. Just for a moment, he closed his eyes.
Did she loathe him, laugh at him, even know he was there? There were a few streaks of gray in her hair, he saw that now. Her hand was cold, unpleasant to touch.
The nurse came out with a blue envelope in her hand, a snapshot.
'It's from your daughter, Deirdre. See? She's twenty-four years old now, Deirdre.' She held the snapshot out for the doctor to see too. A blond girl on the deck of a big white yacht, hair blowing in the wind. Pretty, very pretty. 'On San Francisco Bay, 1983.'
Nothing changed in the woman's face. The nurse brushed the black hair back from her forehead. She thrust the picture at the doctor. 'See that girl? That girl's a doctor, too!' She gave him a great superior nod. 'She's an intern, going to be a medical doctor just like you some day, that's the truth.'
Was it possible? Had the young woman never come home to see to her own mother? He disliked her suddenly. Going to be a medical doctor, indeed.
How long had it been since his patient had worn a dress or a real pair of shoes? He longed to play a radio for her. Maybe she would like
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