now that it’s hard to know if my poem is worthy of you, but here it is. Hold the shell in your hand, and think of me. I love you.
The Story of Me
Fifteen years ago,
I rested on a reef
In the South China Sea.
One perfect day—
When the sky was but
A continuation of the sea—
A Girl found me.
This Girl dove deep to grasp me,
As she always searched for beautiful things,
And when she saw me
I became the focus of her world.
I traveled with the Girl after this day.
We climbed mountains.
We slept in rain forests.
We listened to ancient cities.
Much later,
The Girl gave me to
A Boy she had discovered.
Like me,
He was beautiful and wise and good.
Like me,
She’d found him deep down,
Where she least expected to.
When she saw him
She wanted to place him
In her pocket—
As she had me.
And now that he holds me
I am his.
Ian studied the shell, envisioning Kate diving down, into the warm waters of the South China Sea. He imagined her spotting the shell, grasping it, bringing it into the light. She had always loved such discoveries, and when she made them, he’d been reminded of the child in her.
Thinking about her touching the shell, Ian brought it to his lips and held it against them. He knew then that he would carry her gift until he could walk no farther. And even then, the shell would stay with him, a treasure she had found and passed to him, another part of herself that she had shared.
AFTER IAN AND MATTIE HAD ARRIVED IN Kyoto, they checked into their hotel and spent the day visiting some of the city’s sights. Thinking of her mother’s wish, Mattie had sketched one of Kyoto’s most famous attractions—Kinkaku-ji, or the Golden Pavilion Temple. The top two levels of the three-story pavilion were covered in pure gold leaf. Two distinct rooflines separated the sections, curving upward at their ends. In front of the structure was a pond, which the Japanese called the Mirror Pond, because Kinkaku-ji’s reflection was as elegant as the pavilion itself. The grounds beside and behind Kinkaku-ji were dominated by a lush Japanese garden.
Mattie had been startled by Kinkaku-ji’s beauty. She thought that it resembled a painting, a wondrous image dreamed up by a mind long since gone. Two hours passed before Mattie finished her sketch. Beneath it, she wrote “I love you” and signed her name. As she’d worked on her sketch, Ian had sat nearby, watching her draw, knowing that Kate had asked her to create something beautiful.
They had been tired that night and had eaten dinner in their hotel, something Kate never would have done. Afterward, they went to the business center, and Mattie read while Ian checked his e-mails. Even though he had sold the company he founded, his former colleagues and customers occasionally had questions that he could best answer. And he often wondered whether his Realtor had anyone interested in their brownstone.
Sleep had come fast for Mattie, but not for Ian, who had drifted between conscious and unconscious thought. He’d dreamed about Kate several times and, upon opening his eyes, had tried and failed to keep the vision of her within him.
Breakfast the next day had been a hurried affair. Both Ian and Mattie were eager to walk the trail behind the old apartment. Though Ian harbored reservations about seeing the place where he and Kate had spent so much time together, he hoped to sense her on the trail. She had loved hiking to the top of the mountain and watching the city below.
Mattie didn’t share his concerns about the day. She longed to see what her mother had seen. If her mother had loved the trail, Mattie knew that she would too. She was also impatient to leave her drawing and a wish in a tree. The night before, as she’d taken a bath, she had thought about her wish. Did her father even know that she still thought about having a little sister? Since her mother wasn’t able to undergo another delivery after the trauma of her birth, they had often spoken about adopting a girl. In fact, they’d even researched how they might adopt a girl from China or India. They had spent several months studying the process by the time her mother had gotten sick. Then conversations about adoption had ceased, though Mattie continued to want a sister. That desire had only strengthened when her mother died, when she felt the weight of loneliness almost suffocate her.