Winter Solstice in St. Nacho's (St. Nacho's #5) - Z.A. Maxfield Page 0,86

for heaven’s sake. I’m trying.”

“You’re trying all right.” He waved as he hopped on his bike.

“Coincidences don’t count,” I told him.

He flipped me off.

After a few minutes Carl slipped back outside. Together, we watched as Thuong disappeared from view.

Carl said, “Nothing like that ever happens when I order food.”

Laughing, I took my dinner up the stairs to my room.

I thought about my day, about possibly moving. How I’d tell my parents, how I’d tell Suzanne.

Whether I got the job at the library or not, I truly felt like something had been set in motion. I’d lost control of things as soon as I’d made up my mind to try. Something was happening, whether I liked it or not. Maybe it was because of Minerva, but I felt swept up by Santo Ignacio itself, and I didn’t know where my feet would touch down.

For the first time in a long time, I looked forward to finding out what would happen next.

Chapter Twenty-Six

St. Nacho’s, Day 48

WTF, St. Nacho’s?

Luke got the job, and he’s moving here. I can’t figure out my feelings right now. Am I glad? Am I horrified?

I want Luke to be an idea I can set aside for when I want to dream about the future. The reality of him—of us—is so much more complicated than that. I’m only just now feeling everything I bottled up for so long. I don’t even recognize my emotions half the time.

These days, I’ve got to quiet the noise outside my head and strip myself emotionally bare and give myself time to understand what each new moment means. And when it comes to Luke…? To love…?

Fuck. I can’t tease my want-Luke-now feelings apart from my keep-Luke-away feelings. But it doesn’t matter, because ready or not, he’s coming.

I’m drinking my feelings from a firehose.

Thuong

I heard back from the Library in St. Nacho’s within a week of applying. The job was mine if I wanted it. Leon sent a contract that seemed reasonable, and after talking it over with my family, I signed it and sent it back.

My parents took the news a lot better than I thought they would.

“Santo Ignacio?” Dad asked over dinner at the shop. “What’s the real estate market like there?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But Minerva gave me the name of an agent. He seems successful.”

Mom’s hands had gone limp on her silverware, her food forgotten. “This had better not be about Thuong.”

“It’s not,” I promised. “But it’s not not about him.”

“What do you mean? He’s not steady on his feet yet.” Her glance went to Dad, then back to me. “Honey, Thuong’s in Santo Ignacio now, but what about after he pays off his debts. He needs to go to school, find a job, make a life for himself. He could end up anywhere.”

“I know that. I’m not moving to be with Thuong. I like him.” I love him, God help me. “But things are up in the air with us right now.”

“That’s right,” she said. “Are you sure about this job? Because there are a ton of tiny beach communities—”

“I’m sure.” I took a sip of the Ruination IPA Dad had on hand. “I thought I belonged in Galt because it’s home, and everyone I know and love lives here. I thought I was meant to come back here, rather than make my way in the wide world—”

Mom snorted. “St. Nacho’s isn’t exactly the wide world, honey.”

“I never really considered living anywhere else, but lately I’ve felt so restless. As soon as I set foot in Santo Ignacio, I knew I wanted to try finding a job there. That probably sounds weird.”

“You big doofus.” Mom swiped at her eyes. “You belong wherever your heart takes you. Is their library nicer than ours?”

“I don’t know about that. The building is this great mission revival deal. Saltillo tile and stucco arches and wide wooden doors.”

“What about the people? I’m only asking because the last time I stopped by our library, Suzanne harangued me about certain”—she made air quotes—“‘choices’ you’re making that could hurt your career and ruin your future happiness.”

My hand spasmed around the handle of my knife. “She did not.”

“Hand to God.” Mom crossed her heart over the pink sweater set she wore. “When did she turn into that person?”

“Around the time Thuong came along. She disapproves of addicts, even in recovery. It’s not her fault. She had a bad experience.”

Mom simmered quietly. “That’s a charitable way to talk about someone who tattles to your mother when you’re nearly thirty