Winter Solstice in St. Nacho's (St. Nacho's #5) - Z.A. Maxfield Page 0,49
to learn balance without leaning on something outside myself.
Doc says I have to tell Luke he doesn’t need to make things easy for me anymore, and he’s right.
I’m already used to having Luke around, relying on him, letting him take away the uncertainty and the hurt of stretching myself so I can grow.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that without making a hard break. I don’t actually know if he’d walk away unless I made things explicit. If it was me, and Luke showed the slightest sign he needed me, I definitely wouldn’t walk away from him. I couldn’t.
I hope he’ll understand that I have to do selfish things now. That I don’t have the energy to make things easier for him.
If there was anything I could do to stand by Luke’s side forever, any quest, or contest, or test I could take, I’d do it.
The irony—would Luke agree it’s ironic?—is that in order to do that, I’ve got to get to my feet and stand by myself for an undisclosed, uncertain, but absolutely essential period of time.
Tug
Friday morning dawned with an overcast sky.
Mom and Dad arrived at my house by six thirty, determined to go along to say goodbye to Tug now that Dad was over his cold. They drove the Tahoe, and I took my car so they’d have a way to get back home once Tug and I took off.
The look on Tug’s face when he saw them rendered any inconvenience void. Mom threw her arms around him, and Dad patted him on the back. He got teary eyed.
“Oh, gosh. I was so afraid I wasn’t going to be able to say goodbye.” Mom cried as she pulled away. “We are so proud of you.”
“Thank you.” Tug squeaked like a dog toy when she grabbed him for another hug. “That’s so nice coming from you.”
“Huge congrats.” Dad took his turn for hugs. “This is a major milestone. I’m proud of you, son. You’ve got this.”
Tug simply nodded and let them fuss while I put his meager gear into the back of Dad’s SUV.
I’d picked up some snacks for the drive along with bottled water and the sports drinks I knew he enjoyed. They sat on the floor behind the driver’s seat so he could reach them easily.
“Did you get breakfast?” Mom asked anxiously. “We can go somewhere if you’re hungry.”
“I ate, thanks.” He patted his belly. “I’m good to go.”
“This feels like dropping the kids off at college. I have butterflies.” Mom stepped back and clasped her hands together. “Do you have butterflies, Tug?”
“I have flying dragons.” He gave her a sickly grin. “Flying, fire-breathing dragons the size of municipal buses.”
Dad gave his shoulder a squeeze. “You’ll do fine. I think you’ll surprise yourself.”
“We’re here if you need us,” Mom said. “You have everyone’s number, right?”
“I do.” He patted the pocket of his tight jeans where the outline of his phone showed plainly. Goddamn. I had trouble pulling my eyes back to his face. “Dr. Franklin is my emergency contact, but I put you in my favorites list.”
Mom drew in a deep breath. “Well, we don’t want to keep you. Luke won’t give you your housewarming gift until you get to St. Nacho’s, but use it in good health.”
“Thank you.”
Dad pointed a finger at Tug’s nose. “Don’t be a stranger.”
“I won’t.”
Dad and I switched car keys, and they drove away in my Prius. I opened the passenger door of the Tahoe for Tug.
At that moment, Dr. Franklin and Roberta came out to the porch. They waved at Tug, and he ran back for one last hug before jumping into the passenger seat. I closed the door after him. He put on his seatbelt. Heart in my throat, I waved goodbye to Dr. Franklin and Roberta, then I got into the car and we took off.
I managed to get to the highway before I said anything. “If you want music or an audiobook, my phone has a bunch of stuff. You’ll need the USB cable. Here.”
He took the cable and plugged in the phone. “I hope you know I’m more nervous opening your music app than I am to start a new life.”
“No faith.” I shook my head and teased. “You’ve got no faith in me whatsoever.”
“You have new age playlists.”
“I also have Christmas music, but it’s not what I listen to every day.”
“Hm.” He tried one of my stations, and Aoki featuring Khalid blasted through the speakers. “Okay. You’re not garbage after all.”