Winter Solstice in St. Nacho's (St. Nacho's #5) - Z.A. Maxfield Page 0,23
the coffee jitters. Once clean, I slid between the sheets and prepared to take a serious nap.
I told myself I wasn’t emotional. I was simply tired—as anyone would be after the weekend I’d had. Lack of sleep and the constant vigilance required to babysit an addict in withdrawal was enough to make anyone feel exhausted. That’s why I’d taken the day off. To catch up on rest and get my balance again.
The digital clock beside my bed didn’t tick, but it might as well have. The numbers morphed from one to the next as I lay there, mind occupied with thoughts I didn’t want or need.
My phone rang, and I went into high alert. Echo was calling. God, was it something to do with Tug? Was he sick? Had he already been kicked out?
“Hello?”
“Hi, hon. How’re you feeling?”
“Fine?” I phrased it as a question. “Did something go wrong with Tug? Did they call you?”
“What? No. Holy cow. Are you okay?”
“No.” I blew out a breath. “I’m a little tired.”
“I’ll bet. If you dropped Tug off, then you can relax. It’s all okay.”
“It was a nice place.” I thought back to the rural stillness of it. “Peaceful.”
“I haven’t been there personally, but I know Dr. Franklin. It seems like a good fit for somebody like Tug.”
“Good.” I sat up, knowing that napping wasn’t really in the cards for me. “That’s good.”
“Look, I don’t want to pry, but I think it’s important that you know if you want to talk about the things that happened, I’m here.”
“It’s fine.”
“We talked about this briefly, but what you’ve been through can be traumatizing. It’s not unusual for someone in your position to feel emotionally fragile after taking on the responsibility you shouldered. I’d suggest you go to a meeting, but—”
“I might, actually.”
“Really?” she asked.
“It’s abundantly clear to me that I was totally out of my depth.” At that, I shared how Tug had conned me into buying him drugs.
“Oh, gosh. I’m so sorry. That probably made you feel really bad, huh?”
My throat stung. “Little bit.”
“Yeah. Meeting other people who’ve had the same experience might be a good thing.”
“I don’t know. I never even thought about things like this before.”
“Yeah, well. We’re fighting a war against opioids. You got drafted. I’m sorry.”
“I guess it’s because this is the first time it was someone from home.”
“I understand.”
“I don’t want to be one of those people—going to meetings, talking in jargon, holding hands, and singing ‘Kumbaya.’”
She giggled. “That’s almost word-for-word what Tug said.”
“I feel like… it’s not my problem, right? I didn’t ask for any of this. I don’t have to let it into my life, do I?”
“No.”
“Then why do I feel like I just dropped my kid off for his first day of kindergarten? Why do I feel this anxiety?”
“Because you care about Tug, cuz.” Echo’s voice was sad. “You knew him when he was a kid. He looked up to you, and you took him under your wing back then, and now everything’s changed. You haven’t lost your desire to protect him, only you can’t protect him from what he’s doing to himself.”
“Why in God’s name would he though?” It was a rhetorical question. “Why would anyone live like that?”
“Ask him sometime. I’d love to see him open up about that.”
“Is he… Will he be okay?”
“He can save himself. It’s up to him now. All you can do is learn to protect yourself from the pitfalls of caring about people like him.”
“What if I don’t want to learn? What if I want to walk away?”
“Then you wouldn’t be so anxious right now, would you?”
I lifted my gaze to the ceiling. “Which is why I need to research this. I know. I understand, I do.”
“It’s hard.”
“It is. Maybe too hard. I want so badly for him to succeed.”
“If Tug is going to be in your life, even peripherally, then you need to learn how to set limits, establish boundaries, and protect yourself. Caring about an addict isn’t for the faint of heart.”
“If I were to care about him—”
“You already do care, honey. And I hate to see you like this, but it’s really, really familiar stuff. Maybe you should admit that you’re out of your depth here.”
“Yeah.” I sagged back onto my bed. “Maybe.”
“Look for a support group. Go to more than one and pick the one that fits you best. One size does not fit all.”
“I’ve been wondering what, if anything, I should tell Mom and Dad.”
“Don’t forget Tug’s privacy,” Echo said. “Unless you get his