say no, probably remembering how wild things got the last time we had a fight. The sex was amazing, but as much as I’d like a repeat, we need to clear things up. If she’s pregnant I can’t fuck her that way. “Just to talk,” I hurry to reassure her.
After considering it for a few seconds, she relents. “Okay. But, Reed?” I can tell she’s nervous about letting me in, like she knows how hard it is for me to keep my hands off of her.
I take a step closer, needing to be close to her. “Yeah?” My voice softens. My connection to her fades when she takes a step away from me.
“Just talking.” Her voice breaks, and I nod in agreement as her eyes skirt from mine and she heads up the sidewalk towards the front door.
I want to hold her, to tell her everything is going to be okay. But the truth is, I don’t know if is. I don’t know if we are.
We walk up the steps, and I shut the door behind us. Fallon’s apartment is normally warm and inviting, but today if feels cold, like I’m unwelcome. I just hope it’s not an indication of how our talk is going to go.
“What’s going on? You told me we needed to talk, so spit it out.” Aggravation laces her words, and I know she’s only using it to cover up the real way she feels.
I can’t keep the question inside any longer. “Are you pregnant?”
Fallon blinks, her anger slipping away. Her eyes dart to the trash can, prompting me to do the same, and what I see has me clenching my fists and trying to stay calm. She took the test without me? The empty box is lying on top, so she must’ve.
“What does it matter? Me being pregnant doesn’t change anything between us.” Tears form in Fallon’s eyes, and I tell myself she’s lying so I can keep hold of my anger.
I don’t want to admit she’s right, so I ignore it. Then, even though I know she’s not going to give me a straight answer, I ask her the question I already know the answer to anyway. “You took the test without me? We were supposed to do that together.” I’m not even bothering to hide the hurt in my voice. She’s killing me with her tears, and it’s tearing me up inside. It’s only fair she feels some of this, too.
She swipes away the tears her beautiful face, so fragile in that moment. “It doesn’t matter. Negative or positive, it doesn’t change anything, Reed. Even if we’re having a baby you still won’t love me the way I love you, will you? You won’t even admit this agreement has changed our relationship.”
My jaw clenches, and I know I can’t face this right now. I just can’t. Fallon wants more than I’m able to give her and it makes me feel like a failure. It’s not like I don’t want to love her, to give her all the things she wants, but I can’t. I’m a broken man, and she deserves better than that.
Panic starts to sink in. I know I’m losing her and I can’t force the words that will keep us together past the lump in my throat. “I can’t do this with you right now.” How do I explain something I don’t even understand? “I’m sorry.” I’m filled to the brim with anguish as my feet move me closer to the door and further from Fallon. A deep rift forming between us, and all because of me.
“Don’t do this,” Fallon pleads, tears streaming down her cheeks now, but I’m too far gone. I don’t want to hurt her, and maybe that’s the problem with this entire arrangement. It only leads to heartache for us both.
“I didn’t do this.” I turn on my heels and walk the rest of the way to the door, my hand gripping the heavy metal doorknob. “You did this.”
The heartbroken expression on Fallon’s face kills me, but I don’t stop, no matter how much I want to. I walk out of her house, get in my car and drive down the street, past my apartment, and not once do I slow down or turn around, because I’ve realized something.
Fallon was right, she was so fucking right.
Everything has changed.
Every. Single. Thing.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Fallon
The tears won’t stop falling. I wipe them away, but more appear. Standing in the kitchen, I stare at the test in my hand through blurry eyes