Winning my Best Friend's Girl - Piper Rayne Page 0,32

put my hand on his to stop him and turn around. “We live our lives very differently. I play it safe. You play it crazy. I lost my dad when I was nine and now my mom is sick. I get that I’ll lose my mom before I die. It’s all part of the cycle of life. But if I lost you because you fell off a mountain or you get swept into an avalanche… I couldn’t bear it. It would have been preventable.”

“But…”

I know he wants to argue. I’ve tried to prepare myself the best I could for his arguments about why we should be together. Still, when I look at him, it’s hard to deny this burning feeling inside me that’s only there when he’s around. The one that makes me want to hop in his truck and have him take me anywhere, as long as we’re together.

“It’s hard enough for me to love someone else to begin with,” I say. “To bring them into my life without the fear of experiencing that loss again. But to allow you in feels like I’d be waiting for the inevitable. The wild way you live your life… it works for you, it’s how you cope, and I never want that to change. Ever. It’s part of who you are. But I can’t expose my whole heart to it because believe me, Kingston, if I’m still alive when you die, I’ll grieve you no matter what. But if I allow myself to make a life with you and have kids with you? I’m not sure I’d ever recover. I’ve watched my mom’s life sit at a standstill since my dad passed and I don’t want the same for myself. So keeping you out of reach is how I deal with it the best I can.”

I suck in a breath, thankful I didn’t break down and cry even if I feel like sobbing. I want to beg him to change his ways. To not want to do all the dangerous shit he does that puts him at risk for no good reason.

“Anything can happen to anyone at any time,” he says.

I stand. I’d love if we could see eye to eye on this, but I know we won’t. “But you increase your odds. If someone did a risk management analysis on your life, you’d probably be ten times the risk factor other people are.”

He leans forward and puts his forearms on his thighs, looking up at me. “So that’s it, huh?”

“That’s the reason I didn’t tell you I was back. I was resisting temptation.”

“And if I didn’t live my life doing crazy shit like helicopter skiing and smoke jumping, you’d give us a shot?”

I crouch and put my hand on his. “No, because then you’d resent me down the line and that would kill me too.”

His knuckles graze down my face and I close my eyes. “So that’s it?”

I gather the strength I need to walk away. “That’s it.”

When I reach the door, he calls my name and I turn around.

“You know I love a challenge.” His cocky smirk I know well appears, and my stomach flips.

“I’m not trying to be a challenge.”

“I just have one more question. Do you think about me?”

I shake my head. “King—”

“Just answer the question. Do you think about me when you’re alone? When you’re in bed at night. Am I the man who fulfills those fantasies of yours?”

My cheeks heat. “Stop it.”

He laughs. “I think I am.” He walks over to me and cages me against the door. “I think you have it all wrong. I think you like my wild streak. I think it turns you on when I do crazy shit, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t go after my best friend’s girl. I’d sit back and let him win.” His chest radiates heat that makes me want to tear his shirt open and run my hands down those hidden abs.

“You’re crazy,” I say, my voice sounding too breathy even to my own ears.

“Am I?” He inches closer.

I could push him out of the way and walk out, but I stay put because the truth is, I like the feel of him this close.

“You’re thinking too practically for love,” Kingston says. “Sometimes the heart wants what it wants regardless of the consequences or whether it makes sense. Maybe it’s time to test my theory.”

I inhale, and all I smell is his cologne. “My decision is final.” I push back with my ass and open