Wings of the Walker - CoraLee June Page 0,197

remained still and closed off. They didn’t feel like this was...solid? Of everything, this was the most certain thing in my life.

"I do not love Josiah. Not like I love all of you. I appreciate the role he played in my life though. For a decade and a half, he wasn't just the person I had a crush on, he was my only friend."

Cyler nodded his head in understanding. He witnessed first hand my relationship with Josiah, more than the others, so I sensed that he had a greater understanding of my liberation. He saw me choose myself.

"And as for us? I love each of you. Wholly. Unconditionally. Each of you individually brings out a part of me I didn't know existed before. You know why I could never love Josiah like I love all of you? He wanted to mold me for his purposes. Each of you celebrated what made me unique. You helped me find my own path."

I took a moment to calm myself, my words were shaky. Couldn't they see? This was nothing like what I had with Jo. My feelings for him were secretive and toxic. Never before in my life could I be so open. "I've had moments individually with all of you, but I'm saying right here. Right now. I want this."

"Could this ever be equal, though?" Huxley asked, and I heard Jacob and Patrick simultaneously groan. Huxley was looking for holes in my speech, and I was more than willing to clarify and assert myself.

"No. It will never be equal," I said with a shrug, and Huxley flexed his jaw in anger at my quick response.

"There is no way to completely and equally divide my time up. You all are busy, and this empire is a crazy place. When Cavil returns, Maverick and I might have to stay behind."

"That's not going to happen," Kemper shouted, his outburst made us all turn and stare for a moment. His cheeks flushed with embarrassed anger.

"I love you all, but I'm not going to assign days of the week to each of you and systemize our love. I'll go where I'm needed and where it feels right. And as long as we all communicate our needs, this will work."

"Fuck, I love you, woman," Cyler blurted out while running his hand through his hair.

"What about what you need?" Maverick asked. He pressed his lips into a fine line. "Can we trust you to say what you need? This isn't like your relationship with Josiah. You have to voice your desires, too. "

Maverick had been challenging me since day one to claim the things I wanted. "Absolutely. I'm telling you what I need right now! I need to see a friend. I need to tell Jo goodbye one last time. I don't want to believe that Cavil will kill him, but I'm not willing to miss out on a chance at closure for your jealousy. You can even come with me if you want."

"What if you change your mind?" Jacob asked. "Not with Josiah, but with us. Cyler is right, we jumped into this. Stress can make people reckless."

I sighed and looked at the floor. I knew that more so than the others, Jacob felt the most vulnerable about our group dynamic, but his question still hurt. Why were they so willing to push me away? Were they looking for excuses? I was trying to put my heart out on the line, but all they wanted to do was challenge my decision.

"We're not trying to push you away, we just want to make sure this is truly what you want," Cyler explained, as if reading my mind.

"Being in a relationship with six men is hard, Ash. It was easy here, but once we're back to normalcy, we might need to figure a few things out," Maverick added in a clinical tone.

What happened? I went from expressing my love to them one minute, to them belittling my declaration the next.

"I want a future with all of you. I want to learn how to love you in the ways you deserve. I want to feel confident enough in myself to own, without question, the type of devotion all of you bring. This is getting ridiculous. Do you want this or not? I've spent a lifetime on the edge of something I could never have. So you're either in this or you are out. Stop doubting me," I urged while throwing my hands up in the air.

"Jacob?" I asked.

"Absolutely." His answer was