For The Win (Gamer Girls, #6) - Auryn Hadley Page 0,81

lives," Kate said as she steered Rhaven toward the elevators.

"But what if they want things to go back to how they were?" she breathed.

"They can't," Kate said. "The cat is out of the bag. You are Rhaven, and I will not let anyone take that away from you. Not them, not me, and not even Adam, ok? Anyone who loves you would want you to be happy, and from everything I've heard, they love you."

Rhaven stepped onto the car when the door opened with a ding. "Yeah, but - "

Kate pressed the button for their floor. "But what, sweetie?"

"What if they're calling to tell me to never come back? What if they demand I go to therapy or something? I mean, something to 'change me back,' or such. I don't know, but maybe they're calling to say that I'm in trouble? I don't know, from my job, or something."

"Then you can hang up on them and block them from calling again," Kate said, "but I doubt that's it. I mean, if all they wanted was to tell you to never come back, why not just leave a voicemail?"

"So I should answer it next time?" Rhaven asked.

"What do you have to lose?" The doors opened and Kate gestured for Rhaven to go first. "Seriously. What could they take away from you?"

"My family!" Rhaven hissed. "My father was the first man to love me. And my brother? Tyler's a turd, but he's always tried to shelter me from the other guys, you know? What if they can't accept me like this, Kate? What if the most important thing in my life is about to dissolve right in front of my eyes?"

"It won't," Kate promised.

"You don't know that!" Rhaven groaned as they reached the door.

Kate was faster with getting her keycard out. "No, but I'm willing to bet on it." She pushed open the door, and the pair worked their armfuls of bags through the doorway. "Look, this is fear. This is the problem with not knowing the answer. In some ways, it's safer to stay in that middle ground because then your nightmares aren't real. They're still waiting, though. And you also can't get the reassurance that they're just in your head. That middle ground is an easy trap to get stuck in. It's why I almost didn't leave my first husband, Rhae. The devil you know, right? And you've spent a lot of time hiding this, but it's not a secret anymore."

Rhaven's mouth worked, but no words came out at first. In her chest, her heart was barely beating and her hands were turning clammy. "I want to say it's going to be ok, and I'm kicking myself for not staying long enough to figure it out."

"But your dad said he loves you," Kate reminded her.

"He said he still loves me," she countered. "What does that even mean?!"

"It means that even with the insanity of what KoG did to you, the shock and surprise of finding out that you're trans - and not on your terms - and with you packing up your stuff and walking out the door, nothing changed about how he felt. It meant that he loved you before, and he loves you now. From what I've heard, I think he always will."

"And Tyler?" she asked.

Kate gently took the bags from Rhaven's arms and set them on the ground. "Your brother went so far as to try. All signs point to them being fine, Rhaven."

"They've never seen me as, well, me."

Kate just palmed both sides of her face, forcing Rhaven to look at her. "Stop trying to convince yourself that this will fail. Just quit. You gave me a chance when I needed it, so why can't you do the same for them?"

Rhaven's answer seemed to come out of nowhere. "I have depression."

"Ok?"

"And suicidal ideation," Rhaven admitted. "I tried to kill myself a few times, and I failed, but what if my family hates me and I do it again, and this time I get it right?"

"Then don't be alone," Kate told her. "Rhae, there's a reason Adam put me on the first plane here. There's a reason I had a driver pick you up at the gate, not the baggage claim. There's a reason I stayed here last night - because it's hard to kill yourself with someone watching."

Rhaven just turned her eyes to the ceiling and blinked, hoping the tears would go away. "Really?"

"You are my best fucking friend, ok? And I don't say that lightly.