For The Win (Gamer Girls, #6) - Auryn Hadley Page 0,55

tense. Was that a hint? "Yeah, I guess," she mumbled.

Tyler grunted and leaned forward. "Ok, so, serious question."

Her heart stopped. She felt prickles on her skin. Every fiber of her body wanted her to run out of the room, because she knew what was coming. Braden's words ran through her mind on repeat. The only question was if she'd be able to say something this time, or if she'd run away again.

"Would you tell us if you were depressed?" Tyler asked instead.

Between the rush of relief and her mind struggling to accept the question, she had to think about that. He was asking about whether or not she'd try to cut her wrists again. She knew that. He didn't want to say suicide because the idea scared him, but was that really was the last few days had been about?

"I don't know," she finally said. "See, the thing is that when you're depressed, you don't always realize it. I mean, you know you have no motivation and that you don't feel right, but it's not like I wake up and think, 'Hey, I'm depressed today.'"

"What's it like?" Dad asked.

Yeah, that question was harder. "It's like nothing? I mean, seriously, nothing. No urge to keep going. No desire to change. No energy to get up and take a shower. It's like this big abyss that is slowly sucking everything away, and you're just too tired to fight it. I mean, it felt like I'd done everything I could and was out of options. I didn't even want to cry about it. I just wanted to go back to sleep on a good day."

"And on a bad one, you try to make it stop," he finished softly. "Son, please don't do that again? Ethan, I love you, boy. I do, and I don't care if you're the popular guy, the weird one, or the famous gamer kind. You are still my son, and that makes you pretty damned perfect to me, ok?"

"Ok," she mumbled.

"We're just worried," Tyler said again. "That's why I wanted to meet this friend. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide things from us. Whether that's how you feel, who you hang out with, or all this gamer stuff."

She nodded. "Ok."

Because that seemed to be the only word she could get out. Her throat was tensing up from emotion and she could feel her eyes stinging, but she didn't want to cry. She wanted to enjoy this moment, because this? It was what she was terrified of losing. This was her family. They might be screwed up, and they didn't always get it right, but they loved her, and she loved them back more than she could ever put into words.

Chapter 19

Braden lay there, staring at the ceiling. The clock on the bedside table said it was three in the morning. He was pretty sure he'd fall asleep just about the time his alarm went off, but it didn't matter. He could rest on the flight. What he couldn't do was make Rhaven text him back.

He'd sent her a message as soon as he got to the hotel. She hadn't replied. Maybe he'd pushed too hard? But that was the thing: he wasn't trying to push her. He honestly understood what she was going through. Coming out was hard. It sucked, and there was no way around that. He was just worried because she'd backed herself into a corner, and he wasn't sure she had a plan B.

If Rhaven was on hormones, then she'd look more and more feminine over time. Eventually, someone would ask about it, and "Ethan" wouldn't have a good way to answer. And that was if she was lucky. If she wasn't, her brother would see her on a stream. She'd been playing too well for too long, and that woman would end up at the high table. Once that happened, she'd be the talk of the gamer world.

One little Google search would be all it took. Considering that Tyler had already Googled him, well it wasn't a leap to think he'd search his "brother." Still, Braden understood. She wanted to hold onto that little piece of innocence for as long as she could. The uncertainty of how someone would react could be crippling, and from the sounds of it, Rhaven was already there.

But he wasn't ready to give up on her. This was still her life, and he wasn't trying to tell her how to live it. He just wanted