For The Win (Gamer Girls, #6) - Auryn Hadley Page 0,189

and pushed her up against the wall. His body followed, holding her there. Rhaven was panting with her fury, but he wasn't any better. For a long moment they just stared at each other, and then he reached up to cup her cheek. She simply twisted her face to get it out of his grasp.

"Stop!" he hissed. "Fucking stop fighting me for a second and just listen."

"I'm tired of being weak," she told him. "You think vulnerable is sexy, but I'm done with that. I'm not alone. That's what everyone here keeps saying, and I'm willing to believe it! I'm not fragile, Braden. I never have been. I would've shattered a long time ago if that had been the case."

"I don't want you to be weak," he said, shoving his hand beside her face so she had to look at him. "I don't want fragile. That's not my thing. I don't want you to be helpless, either. I never asked for any of that. I like vulnerable, baby. Fucking vulnerable, and that doesn't mean any of those things."

"Then what does it mean?" she shot back.

He ducked his head and huffed once, the sound the weakest laugh she'd ever heard. "It means real. It means brave enough to show the soft spots. Rhaven, you don't ever try to pretend to be what you aren't." Slowly, almost as if he was waiting for her to turn away again, he moved his hand to wipe at the smudges under her eyes. "This. You cry when you feel it. You don't force the tears away and pretend like everything's just fine. You cry, you laugh, and you sulk. You're just you, and that's what gets me right here." He pressed that hand over his heart.

"So why don't you want me to do this?" she asked.

"Because I can't stand the idea of not having you around," he breathed. "Because I know that this isn't a fucking game. These threats online? They're real. Some of these people will kill you, and if that happened?" He glanced away. "I don't know what I'd do. I... Rhaven, I need you."

"You don't," she assured him.

But Braden simply stepped back and turned away. "Fuck. Yeah, baby, I do. Rhaven, I'm a fuckup. I don't deserve this job. I couldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for Dez. I don't deserve any of this. I mean, I got it fucking easy, and I still manage to screw it up." He sighed. "Kinda like I'm doing right now. I just want to help, Rhave. I'm... " Another sigh fell out before he simply turned back around. "You give me a reason to work harder. You make me be a better man. Fuck, I clean my apartment now! I mean, being with you makes me feel like I'm good at something, and maybe that's just being a guy, but you make me feel big, strong, and sexy, you know? And when I tell you about the stupid shit, like how excited I was to get the numbers right for stealth, you don't laugh at me. You let me be weak, and stupid, and a fucking mush, and make me feel like that's not a bad thing."

"What?" she breathed, because that wasn't at all what she'd expected him to say.

"You make me feel like I'm not some piece of shit," he said. "You make me see things in a whole new way, and... I need you, Rhaven. I just got you, and I'm not ready to risk losing you yet. Not because someone else doesn't like who we are. Not for a fucking game, and those games? They're kinda my whole life. Well, before you."

"Then help me?" she begged. "Don't try to stop me because I'm too weak to do it on my own. Help me!"

"I am," he countered. "Don't you get it? I don't think you're weak. I have never thought that! I think you're strong enough that I can say what's on my mind. And yeah, I think this is a stupid idea, because it's not some virtual fight we're talking about. This, Rhaven, is real life. There's no do-overs. There's no taking it back. If you put your face out there, it will never go away, and these are the kind of people that will hunt you down."

"Just like they're hunting Riley," she said. "Just like they're hunting Kate. And you know what? If they come after me, I don't care if they grab my arm. I won't be