For The Win (Gamer Girls, #6) - Auryn Hadley Page 0,183

since last year in Denver."

"What changed?" Dez asked.

Rhaven took another drink of the whiskey, aware that this was the very good kind. "I put on a dress."

Dez chuckled, sounding like she understood completely. "And I logged into a game. Yeah. It's the smallest things that make the biggest differences, sometimes." Then she held out her hand for the bottle. "You going to get the surgery?"

Rhaven gave her the whiskey, but sighed. "I don't know. Part of me wants to. I mean, the idea of finally having the body that fits me? It's tempting. But at the same time, that's a terrifying surgery. There's no going back. There's no second chance, and if they mess me up?"

"Braden won't care," Dez said softly. "That man has been my shadow for years. He's my best friend, Rhaven. I know him like the back of my hand, and he won't care either way. Not about waiting for you to heal, not about the stress and anxiety of making the decision, and not if you decide you don't want it." She looked over. "He's been yours for months now. I know you two just started dating before Denver, but you've been all he could talk about for almost a year."

"Since KoG tried to out me in Columbus?" Rhaven asked.

Dez shook her head. "No. Since you told Knock not to get involved because of what people would say to him at school. Sure, he thought you were cute before, but that? You didn't want to see the kid get hurt, and that hit Braden hard." Then Dez pointed down to the main end of the loading dock. "You know that right over there a man died? Got his brains blown out by Jason. That's why I put my chair here, so I can see it. I mean, there's not a stain or anything, but I still know exactly where the bloodstain was, and it's like a little victory." She laughed. "Sounds fucked up like that, but it's my own proof that the people who hurt me will get what's coming to them."

"You think you'll ever be able to touch people again?" Rhaven asked.

Dez shrugged. "I dunno. The thing no one seems to get is that it gets better, but it never goes away. All those horrible things do build up, and maybe we can forget them for a bit, but they come back. Sometimes for no reason at all, you know? I still wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Well, day, but still. It doesn't happen as often as it used to, but I'm pretty sure I'll never be normal again. The big thing, though, is that I'm ok with it now. What they did to me? It broke me. It fucking shattered me, Rhaven. These people all glued my pieces back together, but the end result isn't the same as what I was before."

"But is it better?" Rhaven asked.

Dez took a long drag on her cigarette. "It's different," she said. "Stronger in some ways, more fragile in others. I'm a new me. The sweet innocent girl with all the potential died, and this version was born. Just like that innocent little boy died and Rhaven was born. The you is still the same person, you're coping with new things, but everyone else? They'll see you as a whole new person." She paused to smile at the grass. "Know what? That's ok. It's a part of growing, and not all trees are straight. Thing is, the bent ones are the prettiest."

"Yeah," Rhaven breathed, liking that analogy. "I kinda feel bad, though, because I feel like my dreams are coming true. I feel guilty that everyone else is having to - "

"Dez!" Someone yelled from the edge of the property, cutting Rhaven off.

Both women sat up, because that person was inside the perimeter fence. "How'd you get in here?" Dez demanded.

As if that was some kind of permission, the person hurried toward her, jogging up the concrete steps with his phone held out before him. "Is it true that Deviant Games refused to hire a man for the recent developer position?"

"No," Dez said, scrambling off the bench to back toward the door. "Get off my property before I call the cops."

Rhaven was only a second behind her, but it was a second too long. The man who appeared to be a reporter snatched Dez's arm. His fingers wrapped around her wrist as he tried to keep her from escaping back inside. Rhaven lunged, shoving