Before I could gather myself enough to speak, he set his beer on the table and disappeared into the kitchen. A few moments later, I heard the back door close and his truck roar to life out front.
But I couldn't move. I was locked in place, hurt and anger warring inside me. And just below the hurt and the anger was understanding. I'd pushed him away too hard and too long and he'd realized he didn't love me after all. I'd known, deep down, that it was going to happen. It was better that it was now rather than six months in the future, when it wouldn't just hurt but tear me apart.
I focused on breathing through the pain in my chest and looked down. I expected to see a mortal wound, blood and bone visible beneath the rent flesh, but there was nothing but skin. And the wild pounding of my heart in my ears.
A hand touched my shoulder and I looked up to find Colette staring at me with compassion and sadness in her eyes.
"Come sit down on the couch, Sierra," she said, guiding me toward the sofa. Malcolm was nowhere in sight, which was just as well because he wasn't as good at handling the emotional breakdowns as Colette.
She nudged me onto the cushions and sat next to me, taking my hand in hers. "What happened between you and Ben?" she asked.
I blinked at her, the words taking a few seconds to penetrate the fog of pain in my heart and mind. When I finally understood her question, I answered in a hoarse voice, "He loved me and I ruined it."
Colette frowned at me and ran her fingertips over the side of my head, smoothing the wispy hairs that had escaped from my bun. "Why do you think you ruined it?"
I squeezed her hand as my throat threatened to close with emotion. Tears burned in my eyes but I blinked rapidly in an effort to get rid of them. "I ran away. And I didn't call him when I got into town like I promised I would but Cam—" I cut myself off. I didn't know if Cam had told her mother what was going on with Brody and his ex and I didn't want to blab if it was a secret.
"I know what's going on with Cam and why she's not here today," Colette assured me. "Ben didn't understand?" she asked.
I cleared my throat, trying to ease the tightness there. "I didn't get a chance to explain. This was the first time I've seen him since I left. I didn't even think to call or text him yesterday when I finished. I just...I just went to bed because I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer."
"Of course not, sweetheart. You'd been working for days with no sleep. You needed the rest before you talked to Ben."
"I knew it would happen," I admitted to her. "I knew I would mess it up. I've got bad karma when it comes to love. I ruin it every time."
Colette scoffed. "That's not true. Malcolm, Cam, and I love you. J.J. does too even though he doesn't show it well. It's been years and you haven't ruined it. And Ben isn't the type of man to just walk away if someone makes a mistake. I know he acts like a bad boy, but his heart is good. He wants someone to love who loves him in return."
"I do love him," I whispered. "I denied it at first, because it's so damn scary, but I do."
Colette patted my hand. "Of course you do. You two are perfect for each other. I've always thought you'd make a good pair, but the timing was never right."
"But I messed it all up," I repeated.
"So fix it," Colette stated as though the solution was obvious.
"But he didn't listen when I tried to explain."
"So make him listen."
"But what if—"
She shook her head at me. "Stop finding reasons to let him walk away. If you love him, you'll fight for him. No one but his brother has ever done that before. He's more like you than you realize. Look at the situation as though he thinks like you. He's protecting his heart because he's worried you won't return his feelings. If you were in his place, what would you want him to do if he loved you?"
Her words sunk into my brain, pushing past my doubts and my fears. Past the pain.