I was afraid to look, I really was, but I did it anyway.
I lifted the phone and saw that Ben had answered my message.
Call me tomorrow. We'll set up a time to talk.
I was both relieved that he'd replied but also freaked out by what he'd said. My brain immediately started ticking away, analyzing that short text and the possible subtext of his words.
While I was glad he hadn't ignored me, I worried that this wasn't going to end well for me.
I steeled myself. Either way, I had to find out. Knowing was better than sitting here torturing myself about what he might or might not say.
I barely slept that night, as I expected. When I woke up and shuffled into the kitchen that morning, I found Colette there, eating breakfast with Cam at the bar.
"Good morning, Sierra," she said.
I tried to answer with real words but only managed a grunt.
I shambled to the coffee maker and stuck a pod in the machine. I pressed the button and tried to blink my eyes back into focus. God, Cam was right. I had to start sleeping more than two or three hours a night.
I jumped when Cam appeared beside me and stuck a mug beneath the spout just in time to catch the first few drops of coffee from the machine.
"Thanks," I murmured.
That would have been messy.
"You okay?" she asked.
My stomach twisted. Here was my friend, who had just had her heart broken, and she was asking me if I was okay. God, I didn't deserve such a good friend. "Too much pizza kept me awake last night," I lied.
"You mean it wasn't the text you were waiting on that came through at 2 a.m.?"
Tears filled my eyes. Crap. She'd heard. I looked at her, begging her with my gaze not to talk about it in front of her mother.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," she said, touching my shoulder gently.
I gathered my strength and closed my eyes, willing the tears away. They were gone when I lifted my eyelids. "It's okay. I'm okay."
"I'm sorry I dumped on you as soon as you got home. Whatever it is—"
"Not right now, okay? I can't talk about it now. Go eat your breakfast before it gets cold." I shook my head and focused on the coffee pouring slowly into my cup.
Cam gave my arm one more gentle squeeze before she went to sit back down at the counter and eat with her mom.
I knew I should talk to Colette and Cam. Make polite conversation. But I just didn't have it in me this morning.
I crossed my arms on the counter and bent at the waist to rest my forehead against them. I wasn't just physically tired. I was exhausted down to my soul.
As soon as the machine quit hissing and spitting out precious caffeine, I added sugar and creamer to my cup and carried it out of the kitchen with me.
After the coffee, if I was feeling better, I would work. Since I'd quit my job, I could put together plans and lists for Crave. Cam wanted to expand her business and if I could talk her into it, I'd be working with her. I knew she would want to pay me but that would mean a pay cut for herself. So, I needed to make sure that she wouldn't have to do that.
I put my coffee on the nightstand, gathered my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head, and stretched out on the bed with my laptop in front of me.
I needed to call Ben, but I was going to wait a little bit longer.
Mostly because I needed to gather my courage.
I would call him this afternoon, I decided. It would give me time to shore up my bravery.
I had no idea how long I'd worked, but at some point, I'd dozed off.
A soft knock on my door woke me.
"Come in," I called.
Cam stuck her head in the door and choked on a laugh. "You alive?" she asked.
"Barely," I mumbled into the comforter.
"Could I bribe you to look up something for me?" she asked. "I'll make you a cup of coffee."
"Only if it's a big one."
"That's what all the girls say."
I had to bite back a smile. "Shut up and tell me what you need. Then go make me some coffee."
Cam sat down on the bed next to my hip. "I got a letter from my mortgage company a few days ago