"So that's really not what's holding you back, is it?" he pressed.
"I don't do relationships," I said. "I made that clear before we started this." Desperation tinged my voice but I couldn't hide it.
"So everything between us is just sex?"
I shook my head. "No, you're a friend. I like spending time with you, but I don't need a boyfriend. I don't want one."
"What do you think we've been doing the last couple of months? Forget dating and the boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. We've been acting like an old married couple."
My neck suddenly grew hot and I could feel the flush climbing into my face. "No, we haven't," I argued.
Ben took my hands in his. "Sierra, I love you. All your weird quirks and your tendency to say exactly what you think without stopping to consider how it might come out. You're funny and challenging and you don't want anything from me but me. I think if you would stop bullshitting yourself for just a minute, you would realize that you're falling in love with me, too."
I jerked my hands out of his as though he burned me and shook my head. "No, I'm not falling in love," I lied.
It was even more terrifying that he could read me so well and easily. That he could see the emotion growing inside me long before I did.
Ben leaned toward me. "You just blinked three times," he murmured.
I lifted my hands. "I can't do this. I'm not going to argue with you about how I feel. I'm telling you that I don't want this thing between us to go any further. From the beginning, I told you that I wouldn't fall in love with you and that hasn't changed. I'm telling you how I feel but I can't control if you like it or not. But I do hope you'll respect it."
Ben stepped back as though I slapped him. The expression on his face stabbed me right in the gut. I nearly reached out to him, nearly apologized, but I couldn't do it.
I was doing the right thing. Eventually, he would see that.
Instead of trying to convince him, I gathered up my things and fled.
16
I didn't remember the drive to Cam's house. Only that my stomach ached and my eyes were on fire.
I groaned when I saw Cam's car in the driveway. She'd been at Brody's more than she'd been at home the last couple of weeks, but today of all days, she was there.
The temptation to back out of the driveway and just go back to my apartment in the city was strong, but I couldn't do that to Cam. She was my best friend. The sister I always wanted but never had.
If anyone would understand what I was feeling, it would be her.
So, I gathered myself and went inside. Cam was sitting on the couch, watching a cooking show, when I came in. She glanced up, grinning, when she heard the door shut.
As soon as she saw my face, her smile vanished and she got to her feet. "Sierra, what's wrong?" she asked.
I inhaled, my breath shaky. "Ben and I had a fight."
Cam stared at me. "About the fact that he wants to be more than friends or the fact that you can't admit it?"
I gaped at her. "What? No. We're just..." I trailed off when she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Do you really think I'm that stupid?" she asked.
"Uh, no?"
Cam rolled her eyes and huffed out a laugh. "Wow, thanks so much for your belief in me. It was obvious that you and Ben had the hots for each other every time we showed up for Sunday lunch at my parents. You couldn't take your eyes off each other. Mom said it was only a matter of time before you two stopped being idiots and admitted you wanted more."
Oh. My. God. All that ridiculous sneaking around had been for nothing. Everyone already knew.
"So Ben made a move, huh?" she asked.
I dropped my bag by the door and burst into tears.
"Shit. Okay. Shit," Cam muttered to herself as she came around the couch toward me. "It's okay. It'll work out, I promise."
Cam put her arms around me and hugged me. I hugged her back. I needed it.
"He t-t-told me he loved me," I sobbed.
Cam's hand paused on my back, where she'd been patting me. "He said what?"
"He said that we'd skipped dating and moved straight into acting like a married couple," I admitted. "And that he said if I