She talks quietly enough that we can’t hear her call. And the tension from the car ride to REI swarms me like a bad memory. The suffocating heat, her revoking the offer to take her virginity after we were little church mice, silent as can be.
I tuck hair behind my ear, and I slip Akara a glare.
“What?” he asks calmly and quietly under his breath.
“You know you’re an asshole.” My voice is deep and hushed.
He picks a bright neon-yellow bike helmet off a shelf in reach, and then reaches up to put it on my head. “In what way?” He smiles a little, even as he eyes his four o’clock, scanning the aisle.
The straps dangle by my chin. “You literally ordered me not to answer her declaration or question—whatever it was in the funhouse. And you’re ignoring her too. Now she’s retracting her offer—and she’s allowed to change her mind,” I add fast, “but how much of that is because we’ve made her uncomfortable by staying silent?”
Her statement was a moment of sincere vulnerability.
She said she was comfortable with us.
Trusted us.
And we’ve nuked it.
A groan dies inside his throat, and he places a closed fist on the shelf next to him. Eyes still on Sulli. “There’s no good way to answer it without ruining…what we have.”
I smack his chest. “Which is?”
“We’re friends.” He licks his lips, pushing back his black hair. “But it’s not like you and me. The two of us are closer in age. We’re both men. I’ve been friends with you longer. She’s older now…but it’s…” He sighs, confused, then shakes his head. “Her statement was hypothetical anyway. She’s going to have a boyfriend who’ll take her virginity. Let’s just thank whoever it’s not the fucking Rooster.”
Yeah. Her ex-boyfriend, Will Rochester, is a cock.
I almost smile, remembering our exchange with Sulli when she found out her boyfriend’s code name on comms.
“He’s not a cock!” She slugged Akara’s shoulder.
I laughed, then she slugged mine.
“His cock is probably ten times bigger than both of yours,” she said in defiance.
“No way in hell,” I told her.
She stared at our crotches. Unabashed, brazen as fuck.
This was almost a year ago. Akara reassured her she wasn’t the butt of a joke, but I get the feeling she’s thinking she’s one now. Left out. And we can’t help that sometimes. Akara and I are older, like he said. We have a friendship that’s different than when she joins us.
Not better or worse, just different.
In REI, Akara tells me quietly, “She doesn’t need me or you to do it.” To take her virginity.
“Then tell her that,” I say. “Tell her something.”
He shakes his head. “She wants me to say yes.”
“Then say yes.”
He goes quiet.
“Mary Mother of God,” I groan. “Then I’ll say yes.”
He shoots me a look like no you will not. And we’ve returned to square one.
Back in the funhouse, I was so close to replying to Sulli, if that’s what you want, I’d be of service. But against better judgment, I turned to Akara. He gave me one of his classic shut the fuck up, Banks looks. So I shut down.
It wasn’t until Sulli ran out of the funhouse that Akara told me hand-to-heart not to reply to her. Ever. To let her statement languish until it doesn’t exist.
I’m not a coward. Neither is he.
But this is fucking cowardly. He’s just so afraid of changing his dynamic with Sulli. He’s gripping onto the past and trying to piece back the remnants, but it’s already gone.
Probably for the better. She’s not the teenager he used to protect anymore.
Sulli stands up and pockets her cell.
We grow quiet as she approaches.
“My parents called,” she explains. “They’ll be here in ten minutes.” She nods a lot to herself, maybe nervously.
We’re not scared of her parents. Akara and I were bodyguards to minors before, so we’ve had to deal with their parents throughout the years. He just has more experience with the Meadows than me.
Sulli pulls her cart closer. “We should finish shopping.” She glances at my helmet, her lips inching in a smile. “I don’t think that one’s your color.”
I snap the buckles, then eye Akara. “She’s insulting your shopping skills.”
“Hers aren’t any better.” He places a bright pink helmet on Sulli’s head. “Gotta protect this one.” He knocks the helmet with a light fist.
“Careful,” I tell Akara, as we walk to the center of the store. “You break it, you bought it.”
Sulli pushes the cart, staying quiet. She even removes the pink helmet and