continue talking. My throat grows scratchy, but it’s like everything just flows forth. I only stop when I reach the wedding.
“And we agreed,” I say. “That today I’d make a decision.” I circle my thumb on the soda can rim. “I think I’ve come to one. But first, I wanted to hear how stupid you think I am—”
He smiles. “Why would I think you’re stupid?”
“Because I decided to become the fucking bachelorette to two bodyguards!”
“To me, and this is just my opinion”—he puts his hands on his chest—“it sounds more like you were in a polyamorous relationship.”
I frown. “A what?”
He scratches the back of his head. “How to explain this…?” He takes out a green M&M. “This is you.” He sets a blue M&M beside it. “This is Banks.”
“That’s his favorite color,” I note.
He smiles a little as he chooses an orange one next.
“It should be red,” I say quickly. “Akara’s favorite color is red.” Well, candy apple red. But I don’t go into that much detail.
Beckett glances at the friendship bracelet I made, the same colors I listed, and we both laugh hard. He shakes his head, “You’re so in love.”
He says it like a disease.
“You want to cure me?” I ask him, tossing the green M&M in my mouth. Fuck, I’m cheating on my vegan streak just this once.
“No. You’re too far gone.” He smiles, replacing the green M&M. “Stop eating yourself.”
“But it’s so much fun.” I swig my soda, a pit of anticipation forming in my stomach. “You can keep going.”
“Okay, Akara is red.” He puts the red M&M at a diagonal to my green. With the blue M&M, they resemble a little triangle of candy. “There can be all different kinds of poly relationships. You can have partners that have other partners.” He moves a yellow and orange M&M next to Akara’s red.
I’m immediately shaking my head.
He laughs. “This is a demonstration.”
“I don’t even want to imagine it.”
He brushes away those extra M&M’s. “Or you can have a closed relationship. Where however many multiple partners you have, they’re only romantically connected to each other. It sounds like that’s what you, Banks, and Akara had in Yellowstone.”
“But we weren’t in a relationship. We were just casually dating.”
He tilts his head. “I casually date. And I would never talk about my dates how you talk about Akara and Banks—but you can use whatever labels you want, Sul.”
“I am interested in these labels though.” I point to the three M&M’s. “What is this fucking called?”
“A triad.” He crisscrosses his legs on the floor.
“Even if we didn’t do anything sexually, the three of us would still be a triad?”
“Yeah. It’s not about sex,” Beckett says. “You can be in a relationship and be a virgin your whole life. People tend to only think about relationships with what they know, and it’s bullshit, Sul. Two people, three people, ten people—if you can make it work, and it’s consensual and loving, why would that be wrong?”
Wow.
I take a deep breath. “I just didn’t think it’s possible for three people to all be together in a serious relationship.” And I know that was my ignorance. From what Beckett tells me, there are people in the world in happy polyamorous relationships.
“I didn’t say it wouldn’t be hard. There’s lack of time. Jealousy. But every relationship, even monogamous ones, have complications. In the end, it just takes effort and commitment. That’s the hardest thing for all people—commitment.”
It’s an overwhelming thought to have this new possibility. This new option. I stare down at the M&M’s. “But what if the green one had sex with the red one and the blue one?” I blush a little, meeting Beckett’s eyes.
His brows have risen. “You lost your virginity?”
“Last night,” I say. “It was fucking epic.”
He laughs. “I’m glad. They didn’t hurt you?”
I shake my head. “They weren’t…together. I mean they were together in the same room but not together in me. And sorry for the TMI.” I don’t even know why I apologize. Maybe because we haven’t been talking much lately, but sex isn’t an off-limits topic for us. Even if he’s super private about his sex life with most people, he’s shared with me.
“I asked,” he says into a shrug. “I just want to make sure they’re not assholes to you.”
“They’re not. You know I’d dick-kick them if they fucked with me.”
He pops an orange M&M in his mouth. “Yeah, but I’d want to dick-kick them, too.”
My smile falters for a second, and then a sweeping feeling surges