floor, his own unsaid apology stuck in his throat. He’d killed Andreus’ dragon just as Andreus had killed Itana, yet Tauran couldn’t force the apology past his tongue. It clung to his throat like tar, choking him. A familiar feeling rose in his chest. His hands shook, stars dancing before his eyes. He dragged in breaths, but they weren’t enough, rising panic making him tremble. He had to get away. He had to get out.
Stumbling out of the chair, he reached for the still-broken door and pulled it open, staggered outside and pressed his back against the brittle wall. He gasped for breath, clutching at his throat, and suddenly Kalai was there, taking his head in his hands, telling him to breathe.
Tauran stared into his eyes until his heart stopped racing and his vision cleared, although his hands still shook.
Everything he thought he knew, everything he had fought for, everything he had been so proud of. It was all a lie. From the start, it had been all lies. Falka wasn’t just out of line. He’d been planning this for years, since before Tauran had even joined the guard. Young and impressionable, Tauran had been swept up in a web of control and manipulation. He thought about all the missions he’d carried out at Falka’s command. Posturing trips to the Iradesi border, culling of Donathal’s wild herds of silverhorn. Guard duty at Cadellian local disputes. Falka had been using him. Grooming him. He hadn’t been the star of Valreus, he’d been a weapon in the making. It hadn’t been good for anybody but Falka and his desire for power.
And Tauran had based his entire identity on it.
A choked sob left him, and he leaned against Kalai, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Kalai hugged him back, a soothing hand at the back of Tauran’s neck.
“I don’t know who I am anymore,” Tauran whispered. He’d joined the guard to do good, to be a beacon for the defenseless. Instead, he’d been the villain, shooting Andreus’ dragon dead when all they’d wanted was safety and freedom.
“You’re Tauran Darrica,” Kalai said, softly. “You’re a dragon rider. You’re charming and strong. You’re loyal to your friends, you’re giving and protective and you have the biggest heart I’ve ever seen.” He leaned back a little, stroking Tauran’s face with both hands. “You rejected Falka. You freed Leyra. You saved me and protected Arrow. You’re doing the right thing. That’s why we’re here.”
Tauran hung on Kalai’s every word, soaking them up, using them to tie down the cracking and shattering pieces of himself. He swallowed. “The rebels were right all along. Andreus was right.” He’d spent four years of his life hating the man, relishing in his death. Without it, he felt empty, but Kalai filled the space in his heart where the anger had been. “Help me inside?” Tauran asked.
Kalai let Tauran lean on him so he could take the weight off his leg. They stood inside the cramped room, facing the man Tauran had spent four years blaming for his ruin. “I’m sorry,” he said, “for killing your dragon. I’m sorry for all of it.”
Andreus nodded. His shoulders dropped a little, and he gestured to the chair. “I’m glad you’re here, Tauran. Hali told me you brought your dragons, too.”
“Tauran freed Leyra from the tower,” Kalai said. He smiled when he placed his hand back on Tauran’s shoulder, standing beside him like a pillar of comfort. “He got all of us out of Valreus.”
Tauran flushed. Kalai didn’t mention that Tauran had been the one to seal Albinus’ fate. He had just managed to convince himself the old man deserved what he’d gotten for being a rebel, but now, that guilt came flooding back.
“You said Emilian was on your side during the battle,” Tauran said, looking at Andreus. “Kalesta was killed. But Emilian is Ground General, now. He never hung for his crimes against Falka.”
“Falka already placed one man in the Ground Guard’s head office. If he kept Emilian alive, he no doubt has a way to control him.”
Tauran exhaled. “And Catria?”
“I don’t know about her. She wasn’t with us during the battle.”
“Roric?”
Andreus sounded so tired. “Roric was like you. We didn’t dare risk it.”
Tauran was quiet for a long time. Catria was clearly on the rebels’ side, now. Maybe Emilian had turned her after the battle. As for Roric… Roric had been a good man when they served together. He still was. He cared deeply about Valeron. Tauran searched his mind for any hint