She looked over to see her brother walking toward them. She hadn’t seen him or Regan in a few days. “Evening, brother. How are you?”
“Doing well. Came to check on my patient and to talk to you about something.”
The serious set of his features gave her pause. “Concerning?”
“Ben.”
“He isn’t dead, is he?”
“No. Not yet.”
She searched his face.
“Let me see to Garrett first and we’ll talk after.”
While the two men went inside, she sat wondering what her brother wanted her to know about Ben.
He returned a short while later and she asked, “How’s the patient?”
He sat on the bench beside her. “Almost good as new. He says he’s thinking of heading home in a few days.”
“Can he handle a two-day trip on the gelding? I suggested he ride over with Odell or take the stagecoach.”
“I think he may have less strength than he realizes so I suggested the same.”
“So what’s this about Ben?”
“He’s dying. He has a growth in his upper chest and one on his spine.”
Her heart stopped. “How long does he have?”
“Not sure. Could be six weeks, could be six months. You can never tell with these things.”
Unsettling emotions filled her.
“Might be time for you two to make amends,” he said.
That didn’t sit well. “I doubt that his staring at the grave is going to make him apologize to me. When we bury him he’ll still believe he was right.”
“Then maybe consider forgiving him.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Why?”
“For your own peace of mind.”
“I’m already at peace,” she lied. Probably never would be, but she’d be damned if she’d give him absolution.
“Let go of the past, Spring.”
She knew he was trying to be helpful, but it irritated her nonetheless. Setting aside what she’d lived through wasn’t something as easily done as dousing a lamp. “Do you know what I had to give Mitch Ketchum in order to work for him?”
He shook his head.
“My virginity.”
His eyes widened.
“Imagine an eighteen-year-old child giving up her innocence so she wouldn’t starve to death, brother. Imagine her other choice was to marry an old man three times her age, who also wanted her innocence. Ben was my grandfather. He was supposed to protect me and watch over me when our mother died, but he saw me as a burden. You weren’t here and he refused to let me live on my own. Not even wild animals sacrifice their young to the wolves, and you want me to forgive him?”
He whispered, “Oh, Spring.”
She wasn’t done. “And Mitch let Matt have me when he wanted to. He enjoyed using his fists.”
He looked stunned.
“So don’t ask me to forgive Ben because I can’t.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here to protect you.” The sorrow in his voice made her heart ache.
“I don’t hold any of this against you, Colton. Please don’t think I do. None of it was your fault.”
“But—I didn’t know, Spring. I’m so sorry.”
She was, too. “Go home,” she urged softly. “Give my love to Regan and the children.”
He rose to his feet but appeared to be searching for a way to offer comfort, so she responded with as much sincerity as she could muster. “I’m fine. Been fine for fifteen years. Don’t worry about me.”
He didn’t appear convinced.
“I’m fine,” she echoed. “Go home.”
He studied her for a long moment, then turned and left.
In the silence that followed, she heard Garrett quietly step out onto the porch behind her. Fighting her anger and pain, she stood and without turning his way, said, “I’m going for a ride. I’ll be back later.”
She didn’t bother with a saddle. Fitting Cheyenne with a war bridle, she mounted and gave him his head as they galloped away. They finally stopped at a grassy ridge high above the Paradise River, where Spring watched a mama bear and two frolicking cubs take drinks from the water before moving on. An osprey swooped down and grabbed up a fish, and with outstretched wings flapping powerfully, headed back to its nest.
The evening was peaceful, and the quiet surroundings helped soothe her roiled emotions. She’d been coming to this spot since being old enough to ride alone. The first time, she’d been maybe ten summers. Although she had no memory of what sparked that visit, she did remember others: mourning her mother’s death, nursing the sadness of Colt’s leaving home to attend Howard Medical School. It was here that she’d wrestled with how to get around Ben’s intractable decision to marry her off, and where the idea came to her to approach Mitch Ketchum