Wild Men of Alaska Collection - By Helmer, Tiffinie Page 0,137

and hate was so damn thin and razor sharp, cutting until she bled. How was she going to live without him? He’d been her whole focus since she’d met him two years ago. He’d been everything, and she’d been so blind to the reasons why.

She wiped at her eyes, realizing that tears were trailing silently down her cheeks, and saw the blood on her hands. She glanced down at her clothes. There was blood on them too.

She headed to the bathroom and ran the water in the sink, catching her reflection in the mirror.

Who was this woman?

Spy?

She no longer felt like one nor felt the desire to continue being one. As it turned out, she’d been rogue for a while if Ivan was her contact and he worked for Sergei.

Lover?

Pain expanded in her chest at the thought of not lying with Sergei again. Not sparring with him. He kept her on her toes while sweeping her off her feet at the same time, and she loved that about him. Loved the woman she was when with him.

She turned off the faucet and stared at her reflection. She could leave with Ivan or stay with Sergei.

Slowly she stripped off her clothes and unpinned her hair.

She stepped into the shower, turning on the water, catching her breath as the iciness stabbed her. She forced herself to stand under the needling spray until it warmed up, then she took the pulsating water as hot as she could handle, washing away all the blood, all the pain, all the indecision.

There was only one decision to make, and she’d made it when she’d stripped off her clothes.

The shower door opened. Sergei stood there, naked, his heart bare for her to see. Love and fear warred in eyes greedily taking her in. He waited a heartbeat for her to object. When she didn’t, he stepped into the shower, crowding her back against the wall.

“Ivan?” she asked, though getting words past her swollen throat was difficult.

“Gone.” He braced himself for her reaction.

“The garbage?”

“With him.”

She didn’t ask any more questions. A good clean up man was hard to find. Besides, Alaska was a big state with the deep, bottomless seas surrounding three sides of her.

Kate offered the soap to Sergei. “Wash my back?”

He took the soap.

She turned, offering him her back, a thrill shooting up her spine at the strangled sound escaping his throat.

He slowly worked a lather over her skin, and then reached around her to set the bar down in the dish, his body rubbing up against hers with the action. She had his full attention. He massaged her back, kneading sore, battle-weary muscles until she moaned.

“Katja, forgive me, but I had to know.” He buried his nose in her hair. “You’d come to me once on orders. I needed you to come to me for love, not duty.” He turned her in his arms. “Duty kills. Love does not.” His eyes intent, his mouth a mere breath from hers, he murmured, “And you could not kill me.”

“That is a dumbass reason. You’ve read too much Dostoevsky—”

“Actually, I prefer Tolstoy.”

“Do you have any idea what it would have done to me if I had killed you?” It would have destroyed her. “I love you, you barbaric Russian.”

“I know.” A pleased smile spread over his face.

She growled and pushed him up against the tiled wall. Her hands dove into his hair and pulled, bringing his lips down to hers. She kissed him, her mouth desperate, her heart full of love for this infuriating man.

His arms tightened around her, and he switched their positions, grabbing her bottom and hitching her into his arms, positioning himself between her thighs. Her legs automatically locked around his waist and he surged inside her.

Grunting with satisfaction, he held her bound within his embrace. He didn’t move as though he needed a moment to get himself under control. “Is after midnight, vhich means tis Christmas. I have not had many Christmases that I could celebrate. I’d like that to change. I vant family, Katja. I vant you for my family.”

Pleasure lanced through her at his words, and her heart tumbled further.

He’d stripped her bare. Not just physically but emotionally as well. Tears filled her eyes as he asked her to take everything she’d ever wanted.

“You have unwrapped me, Sergei. I have no other gift to give you today but me.”

“You are the greatest gift I’ve ever received, Katja.” He took her mouth, and took her body, giving everything he had of himself. Their