When I was all cried out, Charlie handed me a steaming cup of coffee. “Here, Si, let this warm you up.”
I nodded numbly, wrapped my hands around the cup, and let the heat soak into my chilled hands.
You For Her.
Addison silently screaming behind her gag as he burned her flesh.
I twitched and convulsed as I too felt the pain she must have felt, a phantom-like wound searing into the tender skin of my forearm.
Nausea built up in my throat. I set the cup down and dashed to the bathroom where I hurled until I couldn’t physically anymore. Vomit had splashed on my shirt and clung to my chest and neck.
Gross.
I washed my hands and skin as best as I could and then rinsed out my mouth. I needed a shower, a toothbrush, and a clean shirt. I opened the door and Sonia stood leaning against the opposite wall.
“Come on, I’ll take you down to my place. You can shower and change into something of mine.”
I nodded but didn’t speak. There were no words left inside me.
Sonia put her arm around my shoulder and led me into the living room.
“Oh, baby girl.” Mama Kerri clucked sweetly but I didn’t have it in me to respond.
The numbness had taken over.
“I’m going to take Simone down to my place, get her a shower and a change of clothes. Tell Jonah where we went when he gets off his call.” She gestured to where Jonah was pacing on the balcony.
“Okay, my darling chicklets. Be back quick. I need you all in the same place right now.”
Sonia nodded and led me out of the apartment, onto the elevator, and to her condo. I followed her into her room where she took me straight to the shower. She yanked off my stinky, vomit-coated shirt and tossed it into her hamper. I kicked off my shoes and toed off my socks, unbuttoned my jeans, and removed my underwear while she started the shower. The second it was steaming she left the bathroom to me but kept the door open.
Probably because she was worried I’d pass out again.
I stepped into the steamy space and ducked my head under the water, allowing it to heat my body from the outside in. For a long time, I stood there just letting the water pound against me. My mind playing the image of Addison being tortured on that video over and over.
Eventually my skin got so hot it broke me out of the horror cyclone of imagery spinning in my brain and I quickly washed my hair and body. Once completed, I got out and found a new toothbrush, a soft towel, clean underwear, and a sports bra, along with a pair of black yoga pants, a tank top, and a purple zip-up hoodie.
I brushed my teeth so hard my gums bled. Again, I didn’t care. There wasn’t much I cared about except how bad I’d screwed up my opportunity to save my sister from uncertain torture and likely death.
I’d never forgive myself if Addison died. Not ever. It was my fault she was in that chair and not me. I’d gotten away. She might not. And I’d have to live with that reality.
You For Her.
Those three little words would destroy me.
It should have been me and not her.
Not sweet, kind, beautiful, filled with life Addison. The girl had a hard enough upbringing before she came to stay at Kerrighan House. Left at the fire station as a brand new baby. Shuffled from foster home to foster home. Some okay, most not. Addison had her own demons, but she’d been saved. By Mama Kerri and her love. Just like we all had.
We’d been given a second chance at life.
I should have died on that dark road at the hands of the Backseat Strangler. If I had, Addison wouldn’t be where she is right now. Helen wouldn’t be dead. Katrina from my apartment wouldn’t be dead. That bodyguard who’d been sent to keep Addy safe wouldn’t be dead. That was three lives, not including Addy’s, that were hanging over my head.
You For Her.
I closed my eyes and finished getting dressed. Sonia was waiting for me in a similar outfit when I came out.
“Feel better?”
I nodded but I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel better. Not if Addison didn’t walk away from this alive.
Sonia hugged me and I gave her that. She needed it. I’d give my sisters anything I had to give. Even trade me for them.