in my mind.” I paused to make sure I’d be able to stand by what I was about to offer, and stick to my word. “I’d like to buy the three of you round trip airfares to Switzerland to go visit your mum for a week or two. I’ll pay for your hotel—nothing too fancy—just a nice hotel nearby, and enough money for food and things. What hospital is she at?”
“It’s like a sanatorium, not a regular hospital. Near Zurich.”
“When we get home, I’ll google it, and we can check out nearby hotels and look at airfares, how about that?”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Excuse me?”
Pippa arrived back, laden with sodas and potato chips. I needed to put my conversation with Jen on hold.
“Bloody long queue,” Pippa grumbled. “Took ages. Who wants Coke and who wants fizzy mineral water? I got two of each.”
“Water, please,” I said. “Coke’s so sweet these days, I can’t even drink it anymore.”
Jen stretched her hands through to the front. “Water, please.”
Despite myself, I felt pleased Jen and I had made the same choice, like two best friends. Silly. We set off again. I blinked at the road ahead. Seeing as we were all being so cozy with personal details of our lives, I let Pippa in on the offer I had just made Jen.
“That’s bloody generous, darling!” Pippa exclaimed, swerving over the road as she struggled with her can of Coke. I snatched the can away from her, pulled the tab and handed it back. Pippa held it to her lips and slowed the car way down. A shiny red truck honked from behind us, and a furious man in a MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN cap sped past, overtaking us, waving his fist. The booming, rumbling honk made a surge of adrenaline course through my body like a shot of some dangerous drug. Heart pounding. Pulse racing. I took a deep breath and glanced at Pippa, who was concentrating on the road again, one hand on the wheel, the other holding the can. Perhaps Jen or I could have done better in the driving skills department ourselves even “under the influence.” I sucked in another breath to steady my nerves.
“Slow down, Pippa!”
“So, what do you say, Jen, to that incredibly brilliant and wonderful idea?” Pippa said, oblivious to the danger she had just subjected us to. “I think that’s super generous.”
“I say thank you very much for the awesome offer, but,” Jen replied coolly, “I think I’ll pass for now.”
I looked back at her. She was staring ahead, squinting into the sun, the heel of her nude foot back up again, toe ring glinting in the sunlight. Neither the truck nor my offer had fazed her one bit.
“Why?” I said. “I thought you’d snap up this opportunity in a heartbeat! Thought you’d be thrilled.” Then, realizing my tone was a little harsh, added gently, “You’re scared of how your mum’s going to look? That she won’t be the same person you remember? Even if she’s lost her hair and is frail and weak from chemo and radiation and stuff, she’s your mum and she needs you right now.”
Jen let out a sigh and planted her feet on the floor. “I’ll think about it. And thank you, I really appreciate your kindness.”
We drove along in silence, the ocean on our right, gleaming like a mirror. The sun hung high in the crystalline blue sky, heat pelting down on the black roof of the car. Pippa turned on the air conditioner. Just yesterday had been wet and cloudy, the mist blanketing most of Big Sur. The weather so changeable, you could never dress right and could be caught out any time. Everyone complained about the lack of spring and autumn, worldwide. From one extreme to the other. Anyone who was in denial about climate change was in cloud cuckoo land.
“Well,” I said, after a full ten minutes, “I bet Kate and Dan will be thrilled at my offer.”
Jen didn’t reply.
Pippa shrugged her shoulders.
I didn’t want to make a scene in front of Pippa. We needed a happy, carefree day out. Then I started toying with the possibility that Jen would rather be with me than her own mother. Possible? Not only was Jen an enigma to me, but I was an enigma to myself. What were my priorities? Being in control? Or being loved? Was I so much like family to Jen now that I was allowing her to blur boundaries?
There are two camps of people in this world: those that