Of all the things I had found out, this was the most painful of all. Why, oh, why hadn’t Juan confided in me? After the initial shock of discovering he was married and had triplets, I wouldn’t have cared, it wouldn’t have made any difference to how much I loved him. He hadn’t trusted me. It now made our whole life together an empty shell.
“Why didn’t he tell me, Pippa? Why?”
“I don’t know. I asked him that myself, not that it was any of my business.”
“And what did he say?” I was grasping at straws, my desperation a clamor in my heart. Still holding on to shreds of love.
“I think he just wanted a fresh start, didn’t want to spoil what he had with you. Thought he could wipe his past away. And he did manage to do that, didn’t he? I mean, the fact that none of his past caught up with him until now says a lot. He loved you. You were everything to him.” Color drained from Pippa’s face. The look in her eyes told me that she was still in love with Juan herself. Always had been, always would be. Saying those words aggrieved her as much as they surprised me.
“I never felt I was enough for him,” I admitted. “Never felt special enough or pretty enough.”
“You’re mad, you know that? Don’t you see how beautiful you are?” She laughed. “I mean, not a week ago, when I found you in a heap on your driveway in your pajamas, looking like a startled skeleton, but you’re special, darling. Juan wouldn’t have stayed with you all that time otherwise.”
Pippa’s words warmed me. I thought of how I had imagined Juan was having an affair all that time, and how wrong I’d been. The “Keep away from me” note on that napkin. It all fell into place now. He wanted Cliffside back, for his contract with Lee to be honored, and she was telling him to keep away from her, that she couldn’t give him what he wanted. I let out a sigh of relief.
But I couldn’t let him off the hook completely. Even if his vasectomy and aversion to IVF and having children now made sense, it didn’t help my anger. I’d been tricked. Used. My chances of having children ripped away from me. He had put me off the idea of adoption too. Who was I anymore?
I turned my attention back to Pippa and the triplets. I had more questions on the tip of my tongue. “So all that stuff about the triplets’ mother selling Cliffside to raise money for her cancer treatment was a load of rubbish? Or was that the partial truth?”
Pippa shifted her eyes away from me. She curled into a ball, hugging her knees. “I-I have no idea. I used to see her from time to time, at Whole Foods and out and about. But then she disappeared around the same time as Juan—please, darling, don’t”—her lips quivered—“please don’t hate me.”
“I pretty much do hate you right now, Pippa. And I’m not your ‘darling.’ I’ve been lied to by everyone, I’m so—”
“Does my coming over to Cliffside”—she rose to her feet, her voice shrill—“to rescue you from the chaos you’d got yourself into, count for nothing? Does weaning you off those bloody pills, bathing you four times a day and nursing you, with a wet flannel on your brow, mean nothing? Nursing you through the sweats and chills of that miserable cold turkey? You think I enjoyed all that?”
“No, of course not. I’m really grateful. You saved my life,” I muttered. “I’m sorry, but all this news is overwhelming.” I sat there feeling small, as she towered over me, her hands shaking, her gaze drilling through me. She was right, without her I’d probably be dead by now—my new, fake will at the triplets’ law firm, everyone scrabbling for a slice of their “inheritance.” Whatever information Pippa had hidden, I’d need to remember that. She had rescued me from them and saved my life.
Did I even want to live at Cliffside anymore? Knowing Juan was part and parcel of the triplets’ history tainted Cliffside’s magic. The house was no longer his special gift to me, and how could I live there peacefully after all that had happened? Still, the idea that Dan, Kate, and Jen were swanning around my home, usurping my property made my cauldron fester