do feel it, and since you admitted that, I’ll let you in on another secret.”
Suddenly, he was gripping my shoulders, while his gaze was the real weight that kept me rooted where I stood.
“I might not remember my last words, but this whole time, I’ve remembered what I felt when I said them.”
Chapter 13
The statement hit me like a full-body blow. His last words had been could have loved you. All this time since, I’d believed everything Ian had felt for me was lost along with his memories.
“How?” I asked in as calm a voice as I could manage.
A brow rose. “I woke up in that whorehouse with a pounding headache and a burning conviction that I was supposed to be somewhere else, with someone else. None of Crispin’s lies dissuaded me. At one point, I said, ‘Where is she?’ Then your father showed up. Crispin nearly fainted, but I told Crispin he was only seeing what he feared on this side of the veil.”
“How?” I burst out without any calmness this time. “The Warden told me he’d erased every part of your time with me!”
Ian’s grip on my shoulders became caressing. “He told me he said that to ease your pain in case I felt nothing for you, but that when emotions ran deep, they could never fully be erased.”
The words slammed into me, making me as raw and vulnerable as an exposed nerve. I’d spent my life detaching from people because my survival depended on no one getting close enough to find out my secrets. Now, I was feeling everything and I had no idea how to handle it.
“I’m going to need additional clarification,” I found myself saying. Then I groaned. Over four thousand years of cold survival mentality had me sounding like an IRS agent questioning a taxpayer about a dubious deduction!
He snorted. “To clarify, I might not have known your name, how we came to be together or why you’d left me, but you were not erased. That’s why I was willing to chase you to the point of proving our marriage to a council I despise. It’s also why I’m not going anywhere now. I won’t let a little danger stop me from fighting for what I want.”
The choked sound I made was part laughter and part despair. “It’s more than ‘a little danger,’ and you know it.”
“My favorite kind, then,” he said with a dark laugh.
“You assume I want to start things with you again.” My voice was almost a whisper. “What if I don’t?”
He smiled, sensual and absolutely ruthless. “If you could stop what you felt for me, you already would have, so don’t waste your energy on a battle you will lose.”
A strangled laugh escaped me. “If I didn’t know how much you liked pain, I’d punch you in the face for such conceit.”
His chuckle was drenched with wickedness. “Threats of violence? Now you’re just trying to switch me on, aren’t you?”
Heat swept over me. His hands were still on my shoulders, and his clothes were so tattered, one tug would have them on the floor. I wanted to do that so badly, my hands ached. But when Ian moved closer, I twisted away.
“We need ground rules first.”
“No we don’t.” His voice was a growl. “Do anything you want to me. I promise to love all of it.”
A thousand explicit thoughts raced through my mind, making me lose a step backing away. “Not that,” I forced myself to say. “Ground rules for you getting your memories back.”
His eyes blazed emerald. “Your turn to elaborate.”
I took in a breath, regretting it when his scent filled me. It was heady with lust—another wrecking ball to my willpower.
“You want to reclaim your lost memories despite the risk. You’re right; that is your choice to make, not mine. So, ask me anything, and I vow to tell you the truth. But then you agree to leave and stay hidden until I take care of Dagon.”
His nostrils flared. Anger or anticipation, I couldn’t tell. “That’s your offer?”
“Yes.”
“I counter.” Now I knew what the flare was. Anger. “You tell me nothing, but I stay and help you take down Dagon, and we let fate decide what I do or do not remember.”
I closed my eyes. “Ian . . .”
“Yes, I know. Danger, mayhem, and vicious demons await.” Amusement threaded through his voice now. “The same awaits me if I leave you and Dagon finds me, so I ask again—which do you think I have a better chance of