Who We Could Be - Chelsea M. Cameron Page 0,3

Donny and Mom on the couch. Dad blinked his eyes open, pretending that he hadn’t already been sleeping. I flopped in between Donny and Mom.

Donny laughed. “I’m on pedicure duty now. I’m considering a second career in a nail salon. See?” He took his socks off and wiggled his toes that were painted with a sunset orange color.

“Pretty,” I said, admiring them.

“Thank you.”

“How’s Gus?” Mom asked, looking up from the game on her phone.

“Good,” I said.

“Is he good or is he really good?” Donny asked, wiggling his eyebrows. He and I had both inherited red hair from some recessive gene in our family tree.

“Donny, you’re disgusting and you’re lucky I don’t poison you one of these days, but I’m scared of your wife.”

Donny cackled. “That’s fair, I’m terrified of her too.” Steph had worked as a bouncer and now had one of those scary bootcamp workout gyms where she screamed at people to flip tires and shit. I went to her kickboxing class a few times a week.

Mom and Donny talked about this and that and I let the soft sounds of home lull me until my eyes were heavy.

“I’m heading to bed,” I said, getting up. Donny said he had to get home; he’d just come by to mess with the kitchen sink. I hugged him and both my parents before going to my room.

I’d forgotten to tell Gus that I’d arrived home safely, and I had a few missed messages from him, so I apologized and said I was going to bed.

After slipping on some undies and an old camp t-shirt, I crawled into bed with my phone. Moments before, I’d been ready to completely pass out, but now my brain was alert and needed something to do or else I was going to lay there and stare at the damn ceiling for a few hours until finally shutting down.

I did a little bit of checking and reading and scrolling. I knew exactly what I wanted, and that was to talk to Monty, but it was too late for that. TJ was probably there, or she was already asleep and I didn’t want to bother her. Just as I was about to start looking up my former high school enemies on social media, a text from Monty came in.

You awake?

Two

Monty

TJ had come and gone. He claimed he had to get up early, which was true, but also, he could have stayed. I hoped when we moved in together just before the wedding that things would settle into a new pattern. I’d been mentally preparing myself for the changes, but I didn’t know how much you could really prepare for every single facet of your life changing.

I’d be moving to a new place that I’d have to share with another person. Sure, I’d lived with my parents, but it had been just us. Sharing a home with a husband was different than sharing a home with your parents. I didn’t need to move in with him to know that.

I made some tea and wandered around my apartment, reaching out and touching my things. A lot of this stuff would have to go, and not because TJ wanted me to get rid of everything, but we would have to buy things together. Instead of things being mine, they would be ours.

My mother had already started buying us things, and I had a little pile going in one corner. A crockpot, a dish set, some towels. None of them were to my taste, but they were free, so I wasn’t going to turn them down. She’d even started making me a quilt for our bed, but I wasn’t holding my breath to see the thing finished. Mom didn’t have a whole lot of follow-through.

Unable to sleep, I lay on the couch and pulled a blanket over myself. I could read or watch something, but I didn’t think my mind could hold onto anything long enough to focus. There were so many thoughts and worries and questions about the wedding, my marriage, what kind of a wife I was going to be.

I wanted to talk to Tessa, to tell her everything. To open up all the doors and let her see my ugly thoughts as she stroked my hair and told me it was going to be okay.

I was still upset about our fight earlier. She was trying and I loved her for caring, but no one was ever going to be good enough for me, in her opinion. TJ was a