Who I Am With You (Imagination #10) - Staci Stallings Page 0,49

doesn’t seem fair.”

“Remember what I said about the process?” Merel asked and Taylor nodded. “Well, one of the things that happens in the process is that we learn who we can trust and how trust and teamwork works. Experience will teach you more than anything else can. You might think you know how something is or feels but until you go through it, you really don’t. And one of the things experience has taught me is that holding your pain inside makes you feel alone because it puts up a barrier between you and everyone else. It’s only in sharing that pain and letting someone else be in that with you in that process of healing that you finally see how they are allowed their pain and you are allowed your pain, and the experience of it together removes the walls between you.”

“But it’s not their pain,” Taylor said. “My pain isn’t their pain.”

“It never is,” Merel said. “Even in the same event, we each experience it differently. The thing that gives Satan power is to convince us to build walls because of the pain instead of bridges. He wants you to disengage, to isolate and cower. He tries to convince you that you don’t have what it takes to be honest with other people about where you are with what’s going on. In fact, I’ll bet he tried really hard to talk you out of coming here today.”

“You have no idea. If it wasn’t for Greg…” Taylor slipped a piece of hair over her ear. “I’m telling you, if it wasn’t for him, I’m not sure I’d even still be here by this point, and I sure wouldn’t be here.”

Merel’s eyes narrowed. “Taylor, this is going to sound really strange to you, so take it for what it’s worth. But in my experience, it is the ones who have a special calling from God that Satan tries the hardest to knock out of the game.”

Taylor tipped her head, not understanding.

“When God has something really special for you to do, something that all of eternity might hinge on, not just yours but a lot of people’s, Satan is going to do everything he possibly can to get you to quit long before you realize the game you’re in. Do you know the story of Job?”

“Uh, kind of?”

“In the Bible, Job was a man who fully trusted God. Then Satan showed up and he talked God into letting him test Job. Satan believed that Job was only faithful because of the blessings God had given him. If those blessings were taken away, Satan was convinced Job would turn away from God, and God allowed it because He believed Job’s faithfulness wasn’t about the gifts but the Giver. Job was tested in every way possible. He lost his livestock, his wealth, his children, his wife, even his physical health. His friends showed up to try to get him to curse God, to turn his back on God, and yet, he didn’t. He trusted God no matter what.”

“That’s… I mean, no matter what?” Taylor asked, letting the thought deflate her. “I’m not sure I can do that. I really don’t want to do the trial.”

“Why not?”

“Because the defense lawyers are scum, and they’re going to drag all of us through the mud. Me most of all. You have no idea what they said about me, and not just about me… but about Greg and Nelson… They made it sound like…”

“You were sleeping around?”

“Yeah, that and worse.”

“So they are going to try to ruin your reputation?”

“Not try,” she said. “They will. And it wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t true. I mean, not the sleeping around part, but a lot of what they are going to say really is true. What is everyone going to think of me when they hear that stuff? I’ve tried so hard…” Her words ran out of steam.

“Tried so hard?” Merel prompted when Taylor stopped. “Finish that thought.”

“I’ve tried…” Taylor slumped forward and played with her fingers. “It’s hard.” Sitting up, she propped her elbows on the armrests, but her gaze didn’t come up. “I mean, you come here, to college, and you’re just trying to fit in. I mean, you know… you weren’t raised that way, but…” She came forward again and put her elbows on her knees. “My mom and dad… they…” A ragged breath jerked out of her. “They’re going to be so disappointed when they hear...” Once again sitting back, she shook her head.