Who I Am With You (Imagination #10) - Staci Stallings Page 0,171

was the movie? I think I missed half of it.”

“At least,” he said. “Man, I didn’t think I was going to get you awake last night.”

“I know. I haven’t slept that hard in a long time. It’s so crazy because back in the dorms and even before at Mom and Dad’s, it was a fight to get to sleep and a fight to stay asleep. Here… POOF. I’m out. It’s kind of like they were talking about yesterday, about being emotionally exhausted. I think I’ve been there so long, I didn’t know what not being emotionally exhausted even was anymore.”

She took a bite of toast and chewed slowly, thinking.

“So much of what they talked about yesterday was so on-point, you know?” she said. “But it’s not stuff they ever tell you. It’s not stuff they teach. Like why do they not teach us about learned helplessness in school? I mean, that’s solid information that would be helpful to know. Remember you back in sixth with Mr. Russo?”

“Oh, geez, don’t remind me. How did I not fail that class?”

“That’s what I mean. It wasn’t even that you couldn’t do it. It was more that you couldn’t do it his way. I look back now, and you were totally in learned helplessness. You were in so much anxiety, I don’t think you could even think straight in there.”

“Well, do you blame me? How many times did he call me out in front of the class?”

“Mr. Everett,” she said, “if you don’t show me how you got this…”

“… you are going to fail this class,” Greg finished. He bent over his cereal and took another bite. “Man, I hated that. I felt so stupid.”

“But you weren’t stupid. In fact, I think you got math on a level none of the rest of us ever did. It was just that you couldn’t explain how you knew it. You just did.”

“Fat lotta good that ever did me.”

“Yeah, but that’s what I mean. How many kids who really can do it are stuck in learned helplessness because they can’t do it the way the teacher wants them to? Or worse, they can’t do it and the school system just keeps raising the challenge level without raising the skill level to go along with it? I just keep thinking, there’s this whole gap in there that we’re missing completely.”

“Okay, so what? Now you’re going to be a teacher?” he asked clearly trying to make sense of it all.

“No,” she said. “Not… no.”

“Then what then?”

Frustration started crawling around inside her. At this point, there were way more questions than answers.

“I don’t know, okay? I don’t know where this is going. I don’t know where I’m supposed to be. I just know what I’m starting to see, and it’s a lot of stuff I never knew before. But I don’t have it all together to put in some neat little box.” Part of one of the talks came back to her then. “I think I’m just messy. I am. I always have been. And this is messy. I’m here, but I’m not sure where I’m going. I’m just trying to figure it all out, and I’m just looking for people who want to go with me in trying to do that. I don’t need you to understand it all because I don’t even understand it all. I just need somebody to bounce things off of even if you think I’m completely weird while I’m trying to figure it all out.”

Worry and seriousness were etched on his face. “Okay?”

Taylor shook her head. “Look, I know you don’t understand. I don’t either really. It’s just… It’s like yesterday, they said that there are 10-gallon people who are trying to be filled up by one-pint people. I’m not saying I’m 10-gallon or that you’re one pint. I just know I feel like there’s sooo much more out there, and I want to see it all, I want to do it all, I want to experience it all. And right now, I feel like I’ve been stuffed into this teeny-tiny, itty-bitty box my whole life and told, ‘Get used to it. That’s all there is.’ Well, I’m tired of playing life small. I’m tired of playing by everyone else’s rules, and I am sick to death of trying to live up to expectations that aren’t even ones I’ve set for myself. I want to live and grow and be and do…”

His seriousness had turned into a reluctant smile.

“What’s that look for?” she asked,