awash in pure envy. Their lives seemed so carefree, like pure joy.
There was nothing left to do but finish here and go home, I thought. I’d use my money to help Mummy and Julia and find some menial job to help time pass until all my ambition took its final gasp and sank somewhere so deep inside me that years and years later, I couldn’t even remember ever setting out for America.
Surely, there was a graveyard somewhere for dreams that died.
When I turned to go back to the house, I saw Samantha standing at the edge of the grass watching me. I had my hands on my stomach. Her baby was kicking more today than ever. Maybe he was angry at the waves of sadness and depression washing over him in my womb. The doctors and scientists might not be right, I thought. Something of the surrogate mother finds its way into the child after all.
Samantha rushed to join me when I drew closer.
“Are you all right?”
I nodded and let her take my arm. We returned to the mansion that was waiting to embrace us both and hold us firmly in the grasp of its shadows, the resonating echoes of every movement within, and the depth of its history. Houses like Wyndemere absorb so much sadness and joy. Mine was just another small swallow. Years from now, I imagined no one would recall it with any vividness. I would have passed through, and on my way through, I would have left a child to be nurtured within these walls, within this family.
This was possibly all I would have accomplished by coming to America.
Samantha and I spent most of the remainder of the day in the library. I slept on and off. She had begun to read Rebecca because I had told her how much I had enjoyed it when I was assigned to read it in school. Occasionally, she would pause to recite a paragraph or some dialogue to me. My eyes were drawn to the grandfather clock, my mind quickly calculating the time in England. Finally, right before we were to go to dinner, Dr. Davenport called to speak to me. Samantha remained at my side.
“I have some international banker friends,” he began. “They checked on financial matters. Your father left your mother and sister very comfortable. You have no worries there.”
I didn’t even entertain the thought otherwise.
“Your father’s personal physician laid the groundwork for my visit. They were naturally quite surprised—shocked, to be honest—when I told them what you were doing, but they were mostly concerned about how you were. I assured them you were sailing through it and I would make arrangements for your return. I said ‘visit’ because I didn’t want to leave them with the belief you were finished with your career. They completely understand why it would be awkward for you simply to pop up on the scene right now. I invited them to Wyndemere, but I don’t think they’re ready for any travel yet. I told them you would call as soon as you were up to it.
“I wouldn’t go so far as to say they approved or even understood why you’ve done what you’ve done, but there is no anger here waiting for you.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“I’ll see you sometime tomorrow. Tell Samantha,” he added.
“I will.”
As soon as I hung up, I related it all to her. She clapped her hands and smiled as if everything had been made right again. It was almost as if my father had been resurrected. Nevertheless, hearing how Dr. Davenport had described Mummy and Julia, I was more relaxed and ate better than I thought I would. Mrs. Marlene insisted I be permitted a small piece of her chocolate cream pie. It wasn’t on the designated menu, but Samantha didn’t put up any resistance.
After dinner, Dr. Bliskin surprised us with a visit when he had finished his hospital rounds. He sat with the two of us for another hour or so before going home. I wondered about his home life, his wife, mainly. Samantha assured me they were still in love and his wife was a perfect doctor’s wife, understanding, giving him the freedom he needed to attend to his patients, and keeping herself quite busy with their children and her friends.
“Just like me,” she said proudly. “Just like how I’ll be with my son soon.”
Two days later, I called Mummy and spoke to both her and Julia. Even to myself, I sounded like a little