him the message, and he would surely come as soon as he could. Samantha looked like she was in a serious panic attack, and Mrs. Cohen didn’t know where she should put her attention first.
“Give her something to calm her!” Samantha screamed.
“We don’t want to give her anything without Dr. Bliskin, and we usually don’t give sedatives to pregnant women, Mrs. Davenport. Please try to get hold of yourself. You’ll do more damage if you frighten and upset Emma more than she is.”
Samantha swallowed hard and nodded.
“Take deep breaths,” Mrs. Cohen told her. “Let’s keep everyone as composed as we can.”
“I can’t go home,” I said, more to myself than to them. “I can’t let Mummy see me like this. She won’t understand. She would be terribly embarrassed. Julia said she wasn’t well. It might kill her.”
“It’s all right. You can’t travel, anyway,” Samantha said. “Dr. Davenport will figure everything out for you. You’ll see.”
I looked at her and nodded. Dr. Davenport was so like my father, imbued with self-confidence, stalwart, and dependable. People, after all, put their lives in his hands. Their very heartbeats relied on his skill. There was no hesitation in him when he had to make a decision.
Yes, I thought, yes. Dr. Davenport will know what I should do.
I lay back on my pillows and closed my eyes. I knew Samantha was hovering beside me and probably wouldn’t move, but I didn’t want to think about her or the baby now. That last image of my father that had haunted me for so long was on the insides of my eyelids. But it started to fade, and in its place was a different image of him, an image that I cherished. I wasn’t much more than four. He was laughing at the pile of pennies I had stacked very neatly for him to see. Some of them I had found on the sidewalk and washed. I was telling him to take them to the bank, where they would grow as tall as the house.
“Yes, that’s good thinking, Emma,” he said. He brushed my hair back, and then he kissed me on the forehead and helped me count the pennies, before putting them in a bag for him to take to the bank. It was how my first savings account was begun.
Oddly, I had never touched that money. It wasn’t much, but I hadn’t withdrawn it before I left. It was still there, like some promise I had made to him years ago.
“Daddy,” I whispered, and fell asleep for a while.
When I opened my eyes, Dr. Davenport was there. Samantha was standing right behind him.
“I’m sorry to hear about your father,” he began.
I almost uttered a revised reference to the rising of Lazarus in the Bible. If you had been there, he would not have died.
“I know how frustrated you must feel. Now I’m glad I asked you to give me your family’s contact details.”
I widened my eyes in confusion. “Why?”
“I’ve booked a flight to England tomorrow morning. I’m going to see your sister and your mother,” he said. “I’m going to explain everything to them. I know that doesn’t mean they’re going to understand or approve of what you’ve agreed to do, but I feel it’s my responsibility to lay the groundwork for what you will do afterward. I’ll be sure they’re all right, too.”
“Harrison can help them understand,” Samantha said, stepping up. “If anyone can…”
“I don’t know that anyone can,” I said.
“Then it’s best he be the one to try,” she said.
He smiled and reached for her hand.
“I’m frightened,” I said.
He took my hand, too. “As Samantha and I are for you and your family. We’ll get through it together,” he promised.
I was crying. The only way I knew was that I felt a salty tear reach my lips. He wiped it away with his handkerchief.
“Franklin will be here in twenty minutes,” he said. He tightened his fingers around my hand gently and then stood. “I’ll try to call you from Guildford, but if not, I’ll come right here when I return.”
“Tell them I’m sorry.”
“It goes without saying, but they’ll understand that, I’m sure.” He rose.
“Thank you, Harrison,” Samantha said, and hugged him as if he was doing all this for her perhaps even more than for me. Maybe he was.
In the end, what difference would it make? Until their baby was born, she would cry when I did and laugh when I did. My fear that she would become my shadow had been realized.