going more frequently to her bedroom at night. I couldn’t explain the odd feeling I was having, but it was like they saw me but didn’t at times. I was hovering above and around them, a promise that would fulfill their happiest dreams. And yet when they became intimate and loving at dinner or after, I felt intrusive and retreated to the library or to my room.
During the last trimester, Dr. Bliskin’s visits were more frequent. I had the sense that he was as worried about my psychological well-being as he was about my physical well-being. After all, except for Mrs. Cohen and Mrs. Marlene and Samantha, I had no female company. Not that I hadn’t grown fond of Samantha, but she was flighty and childlike at times, and even though she was older than I was, I saw her as I would a younger sister. I needed contact with other people and more stimulating conversation. Knowing that I would see the baby for only a day or so after he was born, I couldn’t get excited about clothes and toys. She was reading books on raising an infant and was always eager to discuss something else she had learned. Reading helped me pass the time, but I knew I looked lost and even trapped sometimes, especially to Dr. Bliskin.
“Pregnant women can feel too limited, constrained. You can develop cabin fever, even in a house this big with grounds like Wyndemere’s,” he began. “I always tell my patients that I don’t want them ever to feel like they’re recuperating from something and it will take nine months. This is not an illness; this is not a condition or a handicap. Some of my patients get what I’m saying and are determined to lead as normal a life as possible, even working into the ninth month. I had a woman recently who nearly gave birth while continuing to work at a supermarket checkout.” Then he added, “But… I know things are different for you…”
I didn’t have to verbalize what I was feeling. He sensed and saw it. That was the first time he offered to take a walk with me. Samantha was out shopping for more baby clothing. She returned before Franklin, as he wanted me to call him now, and I were on our way back from the lake. Sometime during our walk, I stopped thinking of him as my doctor. Our talk was more about who we were, our past, especially mine. He had been to England but only to London. I remember when we approached the house, I was thinking that he was more like a prospective boyfriend.
Samantha’s reaction was mixed. She was happy to learn that I wasn’t off on my own, but she looked like she was actually jealous that he was filling my non-medical time. I think Franklin sensed it and went on about how important it was for me to get good exercise.
“I wouldn’t have gone shopping,” she said. “I’m so sorry. Is everything all right?”
“Absolutely,” he told her.
After he left, she said, “Doctors aren’t supposed to have so much free time. Harrison doesn’t.”
I thought that was odd, especially because Dr. Davenport was spending more time than ever with her these days, and besides, why wouldn’t she be even happier that Dr. Bliskin was devoting more attention to me, which was the same as saying devoting more attention to her baby?
I think she realized it later and made sure to tell me she didn’t mean to sound unappreciative.
“I don’t think he felt that you were,” I assured her, even though I could see that he was sensitive to her reaction. As a result, he didn’t take another walk with me right away, and the few times he did, Samantha came along whenever she was home and pummeled him with questions about my health and the baby’s.
I was sleeping more now and moving about the mansion less. Some days I didn’t want to leave the room, but Dr. Bliskin was adamant about my getting exercise. He was happy about the amount of my weight gain but made the point of telling me, “We’re not home free yet.”
Home was on my mind more and more these days. I had put off calling again, knowing that when I did, I would have to elaborate on my original lie. I called once and got only the answering machine. I left a vague reference to my role in the regional theater and promised to call again. I was sure