question,” he said. “Do you now use or have you ever used recreational drugs?”
“No. Before you ask, not even pot,” I said.
“Okay. There are ways to tell,” he warned. I just stared coldly at him. “Leo told me he gave you an outline of what you’ll be paid, what I’ll do for you.”
“Yes.”
“We’ll draw up an actual contract between us all. I don’t imagine you have an attorney to review it.”
“No. And I don’t have the money for one, anyway.”
“It’ll be quite clear, and if you do have questions, I’ll have my attorney at your disposal.”
“You really want me to go back with you tonight?”
“We’re determined to have a child. We’d like to start our family now. Lots to do beforehand,” he said. “And from what Leo tells me, there’s nothing to keep you here.”
“No, nothing,” I said.
“Not to say there won’t be in the future,” he offered with a smile. “I appreciate how big a step this is for you; it’s big for us, too. We’ll all be on a learning curve, especially with each other. I take it Samantha has clued you in on my parents, the house, some of it.”
“Some of it,” I said. “Yes. She did tell me about your parents, your father being ill.”
He nodded and then looked at his watch. “How’s two hours from now? We’ll be coming back with my limousine.”
This was it. Say yes or no, Emma.
“Two hours,” I said. We both rose.
“Once, when I stopped in to see a patient before he was going to be wheeled into the OR, I told him we were going to do our best and everything looked good for the preparation. He nodded and said, ‘Doc, nothing is until it is.’ Simple but true,” he added. “I urge you to keep that in mind. I always do.”
“Thank you.”
“Look. If you get cold feet before I return, here’s my car phone number.” He handed me a card.
I nodded, took the card, and left. My heart was pounding with anxiety. If I had said any more, I thought, I would just have packed my bag and left for England. I went up, and despite what Samantha had suggested, I organized some of my things to take along, my necessities. When I closed my suitcase, I considered again what I was doing. For a moment, this felt like a whirlpool into which I was dropping myself and spinning. Everything I was about to do would take on another complication, another form of deceit. Was the money really worth it? Did I want to continue my career with such money? Would it affect what I thought of myself forever and ever?
Despite the rosy picture Samantha had painted, this was not going to be easy for me. I was agreeing to become pregnant. I turned and looked at myself in the mirror, imagining being six or seven months along. Like any girl, I’m sure, I had always been intrigued by and a little frightened of the idea. When I was little, the sight of a pregnant woman fascinated me. Would she simply explode one day? I’d look at my mummy and wonder how she could have been this way.
Like hail, the realization of what I was agreeing to do pelted over me. Someone was going to live inside me. My own child would be one thing, but this was going to be a stranger. And once it had begun, there was not a good way to stop it. I couldn’t change my mind, no matter how much I regretted doing it. I was going to sign a contract. Being my father’s daughter, that meant something very serious. Put your name to an agreement, and you practically taped your soul to it as well.
About a half hour later, there was a knock at my door. It was Leo.
“Hey,” he said. “I just wanted to wish you luck. The doc’s done what he promised in the meantime. You’re paid up and paid for another month, even if you change your mind and return tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
“I hope I’ve done the right thing, Emma,” he said.
“We all hope that, but I know you’re trying to help me, Leo. You’ve done the right thing when it comes to that. Thank you.”
We hugged.
“Good luck,” he said. “I’ll be right here whenever you need me. In the meantime, I’ll cover for you if anyone comes askin’.”
“Oh, no,” I said, now that I felt like this was really happening and my feet were on the ground again. “Mr. Manning.