Where Would I Be Without You - By CJ Hawk Page 0,96

had ulterior motives. I could fight this and try to convince Mathew. She was always quicker and smarter than me. Yet, a small part of me was glad. It wasn't the dreamiest or the most romantic of marriages. However, it was better than my life before. It wasn’t the money and lavish things so much as I was going to miss the security that I wasn’t on my own anymore.

I had to buck up and think of this as an adventurous camping trip. I had to find the silver lining in the clouds, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I had to realize that my options were few and that my first priority is food because the sound of my stomach grumbling had just gotten louder.

The search of the cabinets came up empty, only dead bugs and cobwebs. The laundry had a closet full of stuff, old broom, dirty mop, a few cleaning supplies and rags. A note hung on the mop. “Have fun!” It was in Sabrina’s handwriting. I had to wonder what I did that was so mean to her that made her be this cruel.

The old washer had seen better days and there was no dryer. A clothesline in the backyard among the tall weeds caught my eye out the laundry room window. Sabrina had to of picked this house with the cruelest of intentions. She knew my hatred for laundry and cleaning. The small closet, in the bedroom with no bed, had old linens in it and several dead moths. This most likely meant the linens were full of holes.

The front room had an old looking, black and dusty, fire-burning stove with no wood around. Probably what heated the house? The couch smelt funny, and all the windows had a fine layer of dust with the lightest of sheer curtains covering the windows. I wouldn’t be able to last here a week let alone a cold mountain winter.

The fast thought of driving into town entered my mind to get my bearings until I realized I didn’t have a car. I didn’t see a garage, and I doubted that they left me one in fear I would jump in and drive back to Denver, exposing them for the weasels they had become.

I wrestled with the thought of introducing myself to my new neighbors but at that very moment, I was embarrassed and sick with grief and despair. The lurching of my stomach indicated I wanted to throw up but there was nothing in my stomach. The pounding inside my head seemed to have gotten worse, and I was sure I felt the slight sway of my body like it wanted to collapse onto the floor.

I slowly sank to the floor with my back to the wall facing the front door. I sat there for minutes crying empty tears and wondering what my next step should be. I hadn’t talked with my parents since I ran away to Vegas to strip. I was just shy of my eighteenth birthday, a virgin. Yet, anything was better than a mom on drugs and a dad who was drunk all the time.

Back then, my body screamed sex with any man who looked at me due to my full figure, long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. Or so, I was told. I hadn’t seen a lot of options back then, so I used what I thought was my advantage.

In my mind, I didn’t see me running back to mommy or daddy. The last phone call I had made to them left me with the discovery of a disconnected phone. I felt that was a sign that I shouldn’t go back.

Looking back it was easy to see how Sabrina and I hooked up. She acted like an older sister and mother figure.

Then Mathew came along and offered to take care of me. Giving me all the love and affection I craved along with lavish gifts and an offer of a lifestyle I never imagined I could have. Once we were married, things were always good, as long as I kept his high sexual appetite sedated and myself in tiptop shape physically. My credit cards had no limit; my best friend was always welcomed in his home, and his friends became mine. Or so, I assumed. I was sure they wouldn’t give me the time of day now.

The sun was starting to get lower, and I knew if I was going to get into town and back with a