let sentiment sway them in any way, never losing sight of the ultimate goal of serving the country and winning this war. You did your best, no doubt, but when other people’s lives are at stake we have to be very conscientious about our operatives.’
She nodded. ‘I know I did things wrong, but I also know I am capable of doing much better of being exactly what you need, I know deep inside me there is the exact person you are talking about, if only you would give me another chance.’
He looked at her with great sympathy. ‘Vivienne, it’s a war. We’re all being tested to our utmost ends. Do not feel any shame for what you did. Braver men have done worse. But I’m afraid we can’t put you out in the field again.’
She nodded, already having suspected that was probably going to be the case.
‘We just can’t trust…’ He didn’t finish his sentence, simply adding, ‘There is just too much at stake, you understand.’
‘Of course,’ she replied. Blowing her nose and rolling back her shoulders, she jutted out her chin as if she was ready to take on the world. She got to her feet and thrust forward her hand. The young man nodded, and shook it.
As she walked to the door he said quietly, ‘Good luck, Vivienne, and thank you for your service.’
She didn’t look back, moved right past Vera Atkins’ desk without even acknowledging her. She felt so embarrassed, so ridiculous. Why had she thought she was good enough for this?
On the train home, Vivi felt the sense of loss start to sink in. For the year, training, preparing for her mission to France, had been all that had possessed her, that had given her a sense of purpose. And now, she had nothing, and she felt useless.
A WAAF came into her carriage in her uniform and sat down next to her. Vivi tried not to show the tears streaming down her face, but the woman noticed straight away.
‘You all right, dearie?’ she asked sympathetically.
Vivi nodded, turning her face away to look out the window.
The woman tapped her hand. ‘It’s a hard war. Did you lose somebody?’
Vivi nodded.
‘Were you close?’
She nodded again, thinking of the family in France, and all the people in her underground cell. The weight of the pain was too much.
The woman squeezed her hand. ‘Chin up, dear, make them proud.’
Vivi thought about those words. Would she ever get the chance to do that again?
On arriving back at the manor, another ambulance of soldiers was being brought in. There was already a patient in her bedroom so Vivi had had to move into a box room that had not been slept in for a while.
On arriving at the entrance, the matron who was taking care of all the admissions nodded at Vivi. ‘Oh good, another pair of willing hands, I hope. We are desperate to train more nurses. Please tell me that is why you are here?’
Vivi drew in a breath and explained who she was, but that she would indeed be happy to help. She was issued with a nurse’s uniform and taken through some basic first-aid skills.
‘Your job will be to help make them comfortable while they’re here,’ the matron informed her. ‘We’re very understaffed. And you can also feed them, do minor duties, bed baths and such. No actual medical duties unless you want to be trained. Though that can also be arranged as well.’
Vivi nodded. ‘Whatever you need. I am happy to be trained.’
Matron nodded her approval.
Making her way into the main hospital ward, she was surprised. She hadn’t ventured too far into the manor since she’d got back from France, being in such a dazed and emotional state. Instead, she’d chosen to hide herself away in her room or her father’s study, or walking the garden, for the past week.
The large room that used to be the ballroom was now full of hospital beds. White, metal-framed beds jammed together on both sides of the space. In the middle was a nurses’ station, cabinets of drugs, and all manner of medical equipment. She introduced herself to the ward sister, who smiled at her and started right away to give her simple jobs.
Vivi was working with another nurse called Marion. She had dark-brown curly hair and lively eyes. She was petite and wiry, but strong, with a great sense of humour.
‘Come on, I’ll put you through your paces,’ she encouraged.
Vivi found she was automatically attracted to her bubbly personality as