he didn’t put his arm back around her or take her hand.
She stood there staring after them for what felt like an eternity, struggling, using that time to let the truth sink in. She and Matt were finished. He’d found someone else and the hardest thing to come to terms with was that as she had watched that woman swish away at his side, it could have been her four years ago. The old her, the high-flier, the one that got to work early and left late. And she acknowledged with the weight of realisation that that was what Matt had found attractive. They had both been people on the edge, barrelling through their life in a manically driven way. And to escape his pain Matt had quietly gone on and replaced her, with a younger hungrier version.
8
Heading home on the train, Sophie sat despondently, looking around the carriage. And it hit her: she was single again. Well, not officially, but she knew it was simply a matter of hours. Did that mean she’d have to start dating again? Now, aged thirty-eight? The thought of it gave her anxiety. Staring at the motley crew of commuters, Sophie wondered if she’d find love again. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the window, allowing the coolness of the glass and the rocking of the train to soothe the loneliness and grief that threatened to wash over her.
Sophie opened her eyes and looked out of the window. The city buildings had disappeared and the train had slipped into suburbia. Family homes flashed past her, almost like a slap in the face with her present thoughts.
When she got home, Sophie went straight into the flat and poured herself a large glass of wine. Not much of a drinker, normally just having a couple of glasses if she went out for dinner, she felt suddenly like she needed it. As she stared out of her kitchen window, tears slid down her cheeks again as she realised how much her life was about to change. She then sat there staring at the phone, like a ridiculous schoolgirl, wishing he would text her.
At six thirty her phone chimed.
Can we meet at Anthony’s?
Sophie paused only a second before typing in the word, ‘Okay’.
She didn’t even bother putting any make-up on or doing much with her hair. One didn’t need to get dressed up to be dumped. When she arrived at Anthony’s, a favourite place of theirs, half an hour later, he was already sitting at a table, nervously fingering his glass, and she hated it. Because Sophie was still attracted to him, and deep down, she just wanted them to stay together. Who else understood? Or shared their memories? Was wanting that so wrong? He was her last connection with their daughter. Taking in a deep breath, Sophie pushed her way into the busy bar. The sound of eighties music pumped out through the speakers, and the Friday evening chatter as people prepared for the weekend was lively and raucous. As she made her way through the crowd, the room was stiflingly hot with the smell of alcohol and sweat mingled with aftershave. Matt greeted her with a nod of acknowledgement as Sophie made her way to the table where he was sitting. He’d chosen this place on purpose, she knew. Not some quiet restaurant where every word could be heard, but a place he could say what he needed to say and exit quickly.
At the table, Matt stood up. It felt awkward, she didn’t know what to do. He took the initiative and hugged her. She noticed as he did she started shaking inwardly and her body felt limp, as if all her energy were draining out straight through her feet. Hurriedly, she sat down.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ he asked.
‘White wine, the usual,’ she shouted over strains of Culture Club.
He nodded and disappeared, and she swallowed down the tears that were about to get the better of her as she sat there. He arrived back with her glass of wine and placed it in front of her. He seemed nervous.
As he sat down, Sophie felt a sudden sense of icy calm, and decided she would take control. Up until now, he’d had the upper hand in this situation, but she was done with that.
‘Listen, Matt, I don’t want to draw this out. It’s obvious that things between us are over. I know why it happened but now I want to know when,