me. But this wasn’t about how my heart felt. I hadn’t gone into this relationship blind. She had baggage. For fuck’s sake, I’d been holding that baggage for almost a decade. It wasn’t fair to assume that it had all disappeared now that I was in love with her.
This was likely why people warned you not to date your friends. Though it wasn’t like I’d had a choice in the matter, either. My heart had fallen in love with that crazy woman long before my head ever had.
I blew out a ragged breath when I saw her approaching in the rearview mirror.
She opened the passenger side door and shoved the cover for the Chevelle into the back seat before quietly sliding inside.
“Hey,” I rasped as she clicked her seat belt.
Her red-rimmed eyes immediately jumped to mine, the tiniest flicker of hope dancing within them.
I caught her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Just tell me that’s it. Tell me there are no more surprises. No more secrets. Tell me we got that out in the open and now we can figure out how to move forward.”
She lifted our joined hands and gently rubbed my knuckles across her lips. “We need to go for a ride, Hudson.”
Fuck.
The old farmhouse looked tragic.
Frankly, the old farmhouse was tragic.
I hadn’t been out there for years, and it seemed the lawn care company I’d been paying hadn’t kept up the property like they’d assured me they had. And like it had since the accident, being there only caused me dread.
Dread for the memories we’d planned to make there.
Dread for memories I’d made alone instead.
Dread to face what had happened, and even more for admitting to myself I hadn’t really faced anything at all.
Hudson cut the engine and let me have a moment. Or maybe he was taking one for himself. He’d been there. He knew what the place almost was and could’ve been. He had to be shocked at what we were sitting in front of.
Silently, his hand crossed the seat and linked with mine.
After Brenden died, all I saw was him out there. From the dirt track he’d cut into the pasture to the shop he’d dreamed of fixing up and making his full-time garage. The swing he’d bought me to sweeten the deal. Even, yes, the fucking pond. That farm had been so alive.
We had been so alive.
Now, it was just there.
Around the lump in my throat, I said, “I was so angry when he bought this place. He’d just started making the big money he’d always dreamed of, and I’d told him to save it. That, when I finished my last year of school, we could talk about buying a house.” I laughed, but there was little humor in it and the space in the car started to disappear and feel tight. In true Lex Lawson fashion, I made an awkward joke while trying to get a grip on the flood of emotions claiming me. “But I suppose I have a type, because the men in my life rarely listen.” My quip fell flat.
Tipping his head to the side, he didn’t argue.
“He’d said, ‘Lexie Girl, what good is all this money if I can’t take care of you with it?’ But I refused to move in for weeks. God, I was mad.”
The air in the car got stuffier and close and hot, so I kissed his hand and opened the door, not knowing where exactly I was headed. I needed some breathing room.
Hudson followed behind me up the gravel driveway to the sidewalk that led to the front door. The house had a corner porch, which was odd-looking at first. Brenden had hated it. Then again, he’d bought the property mostly for the land, but I liked the quirky, big double door in the corner and at one time had planned to paint it black to match the shutters.
Under my feet, the deck boards creaked, and I made sure to watch my step as I went. I strolled to the right, tipped the now barren planter to the side, and found the hidden key we’d put there after I’d locked myself out.
Some things never changed. Even my heart felt like it was shredding all over again.
Hudson still didn’t speak, but as I slipped the key into the lock, he put his hands on my shoulders and gave them a tender, supportive squeeze.
Inside, it was just as I’d left it.
My things had all been moved out, but a few random items remained,