plenty of hours left in the day for me and my bullshit. As far as I was concerned, it was my time and he’d just happened to stumble upon it.
He stretched, causing the bottom of his shirt’s tattered waffle fabric to inch higher up his chiseled stomach. Quickly, I turned my head and stared out to the ocean.
“Beautiful morning,” he said and looked both ways down the empty beach. “Your mom is up, making breakfast. Every kind of pancake you can think of.”
I smiled, remembering how Jack liked everything pancakes, just like me.
“You can tell her I’ll be up there in a bit. I’m gonna sit here for a little while longer.” I looked up at him and pulled my blowing hair to my other shoulder, out of the breeze.
Hudson scratched the back of his neck, glanced out into the water, and inhaled so much salty air that his chest swelled to twice its size. When his attention came back to me, he gently kicked my knee and said, “Scoot over.”
“What? No. You don’t have to stay. I’ll be right there.” I’d come to my spot on the beach to rid my fucking head of him. Sitting there on the sand together was the last thing I needed. “I sort of want to be alone.”
When I didn’t budge, he plopped down beside my blanket. “Tough shit, Kid.”
Without much thought, I snapped back. “Don’t call me that anymore, Hudson. I’m almost twenty-nine.” I’d always loved when he called me Kid, but now, it felt so wrong and gross.
He rocked into my shoulder with his. “No more Kid, huh? I always knew, when the time was right, you’d make me stop. I had a good run.” He chuckled. “Gonna be a hard habit to break.”
I tipped my head toward his and looked him dead in his devastating blue eyes. “Well, I don’t like it.”
“Good. That’s a start. What else? I know something has been on your mind. So keep talking.”
That was my biggest nightmare—and also what all the searches told me was the right thing to do yesterday when I Googled what do you do if you have feelings for a friend and how to handle wanting to fuck your brother’s bff and a dozen other ways to describe my problem. It didn’t matter though. Everything had one answer. Even the Reddit threads all said the same thing.
Talk to him.
Ideally, now would be the perfect time. It was quiet. I wasn’t already on his nerves for the day. We were alone. He was sitting beside me, demanding I spill my guts.
Yet I couldn’t.
“I’m fine,” I said and gazed back at the water. It was much easier than facing him. I also knew he wouldn’t give up until he was satisfied. So I added, “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it’s nothing. I just wanted to enjoy the sunrise. That’s all.” I pulled my feet up and wrapped my arms around my legs.
“Hey. You don’t have to ball up and hide from me, Lex. I know you better than that.” He brushed my hair away from my face, and it gave me tingles and goose bumps. “Does this place make you miss him more?”
I didn’t want to do it. I hated it. Every emotion I had in front of someone always came back to this. Even if Brenden wasn’t the reason for how I was feeling, talking about him never failed to bring everything about losing him back.
My eyes began to sting, and I swiped a hot tear away with the cuff of my Spelman College hoodie. Then I swallowed, took a slow breath, and met his gaze. “Actually, I feel closer to him here.”
Hudson offered me a sympathetic grin. “I remember the first summer Brenden came with all of us. I was kind of jealous.”
My heart hammered. Jealous? Of Brenden? My boyfriend?
My back shot straight, an odd surge of hope hitting my veins. Had Hudson had the hots for me back in the day?
He huffed, recalling the memory. “It was before Lauren got pregnant the summer my mom died. I was like who is this new asshole moving in on my family.”
Damn. That made more sense.
“He wasn’t moving in on your family, Hud. You weren’t replaceable.”
“Back then, I didn’t know that. All I knew was there was this new kid who Cal thought was the coolest, your parents thought he’d hung the moon, and he had his hands all over you when the three of them weren’t looking. It was