Jameson neat and then slyly retrieved my phone from my back pocket, keeping it tucked under the table as Sandy listened to the night’s special.
Me: What the fucking fuck did you do?
It wasn’t a good sign for my Chevelle that her reply was immediate.
Lex: What do you mean, what did I do? What did YOU do? I’ve been here five minutes and so far Handsy Hank has traced a finger down my neck, twirled my hair, and I swear to God, Hudson, I think he kissed the top of my head when he slid my chair out for me.
A surge of adrenaline hit me, all frustration with Sandy’s reproductive system momentarily forgotten.
Me: Kick him in the dick if he touches you again. I’m on my way.
The waitress was still talking about Wagyu when I looked up. I was going to wait for her to finish before breaking the news to my dates—plural. But my phone vibrated again first.
Lex: Relax. I just ordered two appetizers and the lobster. I’ll make his wallet hurt far more than you could make his face. And I won’t have to explain to my mother why her precious golden boy was arrested for assaulting an accountant. Win. Win.
Lex: P.S. Seriously? An accountant? It’s like you don’t know me at all.
She could take care of herself. Anyone who had ever met Lex knew that, but it didn’t make my blood boil any less that this prick thought he could put his hands on her.
Me: Ask for a to-go box and I’ll come pick you up.
Lex: Are you crazy? Lobster is terrible cold.
Me: I’ll buy you another damn lobster. It will be cheaper than me paying his medical bills when I amputate his arms.
Lex: Chill, Tarzan. I’m not drinking, he’s safely across the table, and I’ll tuck my legs beneath me in case he gets any ideas about a round of footsy. Now, put your loincloth away and tell me what’s wrong with Sandra.
I blew out a ragged breath. Damn it, I really should have set her up with Cal again.
“So,” Sandy said, pulling up my attention. “Alexis told me you have kids.”
Typing, I replied absently. “A son. Jack. He’s seven.”
Me: Well, for starters, she’s pregnant.
Lex: Holy shit, you work fast.
Sandy kept talking. “That’s great. You may have noticed that I have a little one on the way. A girl, actually. But don’t worry. No daddy drama from me. Sperm donor three-oh-five and I get along really well.” She laughed at her joke.
I smiled. Where was that drink?
Lex: Wait? Are you serious?
I kept my eyes on Sandy, hoping I wasn’t coming off as a total asshole for texting at the table, all the while texting at the table.
Me: Completely.
Lex: How pregnant are we talking?
Me: Does it matter? But let’s just say pregnant enough that our second date would have to be at Lamaze class.
I looked up and she was staring at me expectantly. Shit. I was being a dick. I should say something.
Though my mind was still distracted with all things Lex and Handsy Hank. “So, when are you due?”
Add that to the list of questions I never expected to ask on a first date.
Her eyes sparkled with excitement. “August twelfth. My little Petunia is going to be a Leo.”
Okay, so she was pregnant with a sperm donor. So what? Honestly, that was a brave choice and I respected the shit out of her for making it. But I drew a hard line at dating a woman who would name her daughter Petunia.
The waitress set my drink in front of me, and I decided right then and there that I’d be calling one of the guys to pick up my work truck because I’d be catching an Uber home. Whiskey was meant to be sipped. And I sipped this one all in one swallow, motioning for the waitress to bring me another.
My phone vibrated again, and knowing it was sure to be Lex, I excused myself from the table before reading it.
Lex: Shit. I’m sorry. I haven’t seen Sandra in a while. I had no idea.
I stood in the hallway outside the men’s restroom as I typed out my reply.
Me: Well, apparently, all her friends call her Sandy. So I’m not sure you really know Sandra at all.
Lex: We’ve met! Like…twice. Let’s be real here. You’ve always wanted more kids, right?
Me: Yes. But preferably with a woman my cock has met at least once.
Lex: Minor formality. The meeting part, I mean. We’ve already covered that there is nothing