The ones he could feel, ones that would always be there inside him, a stain on his soul.
And yet she sat there, mere inches away, looking earnestly at him as she asked what a man like him would see in her. Her. He couldn’t even wrap his brain around that kind of question. She deserved so much more than what he could give her. She deserved a man who didn’t come with the baggage he carried.
When he still hadn’t answered her question—how could he?—she straightened slightly and gazed steadily at him, her lips firming with . . . resolve? And yet her voice was silky soft, as sweet as the rest of her and so fucking beautiful that it hurt to look at her, to listen to the musical tones of her voice.
“I’m not asking for anything you can’t or don’t want to give me, Swanny. And if you don’t want this, if I’m completely off base here, then just tell me and I swear to you I’ll never mention it again. I’ll back off and all I’ll be is a job to you and I’ll room with Skylar from now on. All I want is for you to give me—us—a chance. To just go with the flow and see where this—whatever this is between us—takes us. But the ball is in your court now. I can’t make you want me. I wouldn’t want to make you feel anything you didn’t on your own. That’s not ever the reason I want a man to be with me, because I pressured him for something he didn’t willingly give me on his own.”
Left unsaid but perfectly understood by him was that this was his last and only chance. If he didn’t make the next move, then she was done reaching out to him. It was a hell of a spot to be in. Scared to death to make a move and at the same time knowing that if he turned her away he’d regret it for the rest of his life. That he could very well be missing out on the best thing to ever happen to him. Even if his time with her was short lived and in the end they walked away and never saw each other again.
His courage had been tested countless times and he’d never felt as though he’d failed. But courage came in many variations and situations. He realized that to reach out and take what Eden was offering would be the toughest test of his courage he’d ever face. To allow someone inside him, where he allowed no one else. To let her see inside his heart and soul and trust that she wouldn’t run as far away and as fast as possible once he did let her see what he hid so effectively from everyone else.
The easy way out would be to simply tell her no. That he didn’t want to become involved and that they shouldn’t. His job was to protect her, not to be fucking her, though he knew the minute he took her to bed, she would become his number one priority and that anyone trying to get to her would have to go through him in order to do so.
But nothing good was ever easy. Only a coward would take the path of least resistance and shut Eden out before he ever let her in. He wasn’t a coward, had never been a coward, and he damn sure wasn’t going to start being one now.
She was right in that he didn’t trust her yet. Or perhaps he didn’t trust what she said she wanted. But she trusted him and it seemed the height of disrespect not to give her his trust in return.
“I don’t want you to go,” Swanny said in a soft voice. He hated how vulnerable he sounded even to his own ears.
“Then what do you want?” she asked, just as softly.
He leveled his gaze at her, determined to be as sincere as she had been. And as honest. He sucked in a deep breath and put it out there. The same thing she’d done for him. Made himself vulnerable, as vulnerable as she’d made herself by putting it all on the line. Her pride. Her courage. Her heart. Because damn it, he’d sworn to her that she was safe with him. That he’d protect her at all costs. And now he realized that his protection had to extend further because he had to protect her heart and soul