eyelids shut and sunk to the bathroom floor. Sobs escaped. Ugly and painful sobs. Reaching up, she felt around the counter of the sink until the pregnancy test was firmly in her grasp.
Once she had brought it to her lap, Stevie gazed at it through misty eyes. Then she tilted her head back against the porcelain bathtub and blinked the tears away. The one time she had sex and she had fallen pregnant. She had known girls much more careless who had unprotected sex regularly but the closest they had had was a scare. Unlike Stevie, she was the real deal. Eighteen and knocked up. The father? Some guy she had met and fallen in love with. No last name. No way to find him. No way to tell him that they had conceived a child together.
As for being a mother, Stevie had no idea what to do. All her life, she had only known of her stepmother’s love. Her own mother, Colette, had traded raising her daughter for the French fashion scene. Stevie wasn’t sure how she was going to show her baby love when her own mother had neglected to show her. Dropping the stick, she let her hands rest against her stomach and then looked down.
“I don’t know what’s in store for us. I don’t know if I can promise you a happy life. But I’ll try my best. For now, we have to keep you a secret until I figure this all out. In time, I’m sure your family will love you.” She tried to reassure her baby as her thumbs caressed her stomach. Then her thumbs stopped their movements and she took a deep breath. “Je le retrouveras, mon petit poussin.”
I’ll find him, my little chick.
“I promise I’ll find your papa. And if he doesn’t love you, it’s okay. I’ll love you for the both of us. But knowing your father, he’d love you. He has the kindest heart known to anyone. Your existence was created with love, and I’ll do everything in me to make sure you feel loved. One day, I’ll give you everything, but right now, I can only give you my love. And I hope you see that this is my everything.”
I forgot what your smile does to me.
I forgot just how beautiful it really was and is.
Stevie’s lips tugged upwards at the thought. After their walk around Carlton Gardens, they returned to Rogers & Co. Julian had gone into the building and collected his work before he met her in the car park and returned to her apartment. She kept her eyes on Julian as he waved his arms about and explained the story of the time he and Noel had wound up drunk and naked on the roof of a snow cabin up in the mountains one year. Then Julian cupped his pecs and started making a juggling motion with his hands, and that was when she burst out laughing.
“It’s not funny, Appleton. Not only did Noel kiss the old woman, but when her husband chased after him, she also started playing with her boobs. I was all sorts of drunk but not even my intoxicated brain can make up that kind of shit,” Julian said and shivered. Then his eyes met hers and he grinned. “Have I ever told you how much I love your laugh?”
Stevie’s heart clenched. One beautiful, soft-spoken question and she was all but a puddle. Her eyes began to well up, and she attempted to blink the moisture away. His smile. His eyes. The way he thought so big and so grand of the world. The way he thought so loving of her. The way he loved her. There was no man out there quite like Julian Moors. And to be on the receiving end of his love was worth every tainted dream she’d endured and worth every ache she would endure for him.
I love him enough to watch him walk away if he chooses to.
The thought brought with it an instant hardening of her heart. Guilt played heavy and she quickly averted his stare and glanced down at her stomach. Years ago, they had conceived a child. The same child she had lost. If circumstances were different, then she’d have an almost three-year-old. They would have an almost three-year-old.
“You doing all right, Stephanie?” Julian asked, concern lacing every inch of his voice. He no longer stood in front of her on the balcony. Instead, he knelt before her, his hands on her hips.