“I had to see it,” she whispered, her focus was still on her hands. Then she reached over and picked up a box on the desk.
Julian got off the bed, picked up his underwear from off the floor, and then slipped them on. He rounded the queen-size bed until he was next to her. He read the label on the box: Postinor-1.
Blinded by her lips and the need to be with her, he had forgotten contraception. He had a condom in his wallet. But they’d had sex three times. And one condom wasn’t enough. He should have asked if she were on birth control; it was evident by the morning-after pill in her hand that she wasn’t.
Julian got on his knees and took her left hand. He squeezed it gently, but she didn’t face him, her gaze still on the box.
“Stephanie, I use condoms. I swear. That momentary lack in judgement was because I got lost in the moment. I’m clean.”
She pulled her hand back and then glanced over at him. “I haven’t had sex in two years. I had my implant taken out last month. I wasn’t planning on sleeping with you… or anyone.” Then she opened the box and took the pill out of the foil packaging before she dry swallowed it.
He got to his feet and quickly wrapped his arms around her head, bringing her close to his stomach. And then he felt and heard it.
Stephanie sobbed.
She twisted her body and then wrapped her arms around his legs. It was the most painful sound he’d ever heard. It wasn’t forced or acted. Those tears were real, and her sobbing had him falling to his knees. Placing his hands on either side of her head, Julian pulled her back. The heartbreak was evident in her eyes.
His thumbs brushed her tears away. He had no words. He had no idea how to make her better. Because in front of him was someone far too broken. Most would say beyond repair but that he didn’t believe.
“You have to go.”
Julian shook his head. “I can’t leave you.”
“I need time to think about what’s happened,” Stephanie said.
He rested his forehead against hers. “I’m afraid that if I leave, then you’ll take off and I’ll never see you again.”
Her eyelids fluttered, trying to blink away her tears. “There’s nowhere I can run to. You found me.”
Their lips had met briefly before he uttered, “Let me keep you.”
“You can’t.”
The way his heart violently clenched had him breathless. Like she had punched a hole through his chest.
“Why?” he strangled out.
“I just had to witness it,” she mumbled.
He breathed out and lightly rubbed his nose against hers. “Witness what?”
“Your desperation.”
Every function of his body halted and then his eyes widened. “My what?”
“I needed to see your reaction if you thought I had left you again,” Stephanie explained. That was when her eyes saddened.
“Steph—”
She interrupted him by wrapping her palms around his wrists and tugging his hands off her face. “I’m sorry I left you in Thailand. I’m sorry you woke up and I had left. I’m sorry I never gave you goodbye. I’m sorry I never gave you a chance.”
Four years.
I waited for those words for four years.
Four years and they’re not enough.
I need her heart.
I need her love.
“But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m not right for you, Julian. I can’t destroy you. I won’t do that to you again,” she promised. Then she began to stand, and Julian did, too. He had given her enough space before she walked past him, towards the door. Once she reached it, Stephanie opened it and then crossed her arms over her chest.
“You have to go.”
“But… I thought…” he stammered.
“Please, Julian. Please leave,” she begged.
“Stephanie—”
“Please. Before Noel and Clara come home.” She didn’t meet his stare. The finality in her voice boomed.
“Okay,” he whispered, giving her what she wanted.
Stephanie exhaled in relief.
Julian returned to the side of the bed where his clothes lay. Quietly, he dressed himself before he made his way to Stephanie, waiting by the door.
He brushed back her blonde hair and kissed her forehead. “This doesn’t mean I’m letting you go or giving up.”
She closed her eyes and nodded. “I know. But it doesn’t mean I’ll give in.”
He smiled the moment she opened them. “You’ve always been my all-in, Stephanie.”
She glanced away quickly before she reached up and let her thumb brush his cheek. Then she kissed him deeply. Not possessive or to lay claim. It was sweet, it was