“Not yet. I figured I’d ask you about the ashes first.”
“Admit it: you’re scared to call him,” she says.
Oh Jesus. “What do you know about it?”
“He told me what happened—we talk, you know. Though if I didn’t hear it from him, I would have heard about it from someone. You didn’t exactly choose the most private place for your mental breakdown.”
“It wasn’t a mental—” Oh, hell. “Are people at school talking about it?”
“Um, yeah. I mean, everyone knows you’re dealing with a lot so no one’s, like, making fun of you or anything. You could probably drive a bus full of nuns into the lake and still be Mr. Popularity. But the Shoshanna/Dave gossip is delicious. Of course people are talking about it.”
I sigh. “So you think Alan’s gonna forgive me long enough to come to the memorial? We can’t really do it without him.”
“Guess you won’t know until you try.”
“Yeah.”
There’s a brief silence. “He told me about Joni.”
I chew on the inside of my bottom lip. “He did?”
“Yeah.”
“So, um, what do you think?”
“It’s not any of my business…”
“But?”
She laughs. “But…it’s good she’s there for you. Helping you at the party and all that.”
“She was the one who came up with the idea for the memorial,” I tell her.
“She sounds like a good person.”
“She is. Well, see ya, Mabel.”
“See ya, Ryden.”
I end the call and dial Alan’s number before I talk myself out of it.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Alan, it’s Ryden.”
“I know.”
“Right. ‘99 Problems.’”
“Nah. You’re ‘I Used to Love H.E.R.’ by Common now.”
Wonderful. “Well, I wanted to say I’m really sorry about pretty much everything, and thank you for everything you’ve done for me and Hope. I really do appreciate it, even if it doesn’t seem like it.”
There’s silence on the other end of the line.
“And, um, we’re going to have a memorial for Meg. Next Sunday at the hidden spot at the lake your family took her to when you were kids.”
“I haven’t been there in years,” Alan says. “How do you know about that place?”
“She took me there. It sorta became our place.”
“Oh.” A pause. “I didn’t know that.”
“Anyway, Mabel’s going to steal Meg’s ashes from her house, and we’re going to say a few words and scatter them there. You want to come?”
“Hold up—Mabel’s going to steal her ashes? Are you fucking crazy? Is she fucking crazy?”
Finally, a logical response to this insane plan. “Uh, I guess?”
I can almost see Alan shaking his head in the silence that follows. But then he says, “You bet your ass I’ll be there.”
• • •
All week, I’ve been counting down the days to the memorial.
I’ve had so much schoolwork to catch up on from the week I missed—though Mrs. Schonhorn said if I study hard for her test next week and get at least an eighty-five, she’ll let the homework I missed slide. Love that woman.
Plus, I’ve had to deal with all the gossipy bullshit at school. Half the guys think I’m a hero for hooking up with Shoshanna, and the other half think I broke the bro code by trying to sleep with Dave’s girlfriend. Half the girls think I’m a total asshole who was using Shoshanna, while the other half throw themselves at me now that I’m “ready to start dating again.” They’re all a bunch of fuckheads.
I see Shoshanna every day in AP English, but she barely looks at me. I don’t blame her. I haven’t seen Dave much now that I’m off the team and spending lunch in the library to catch up on work. I hear they broke up though.
Joni hasn’t been able to come over all week because we’ve both been really busy with work and homework. But I’ve seen her at work almost every day, and we’re almost back to normal—joking, laughing, talking. No touching. Not yet.
Anyway, it’s probably weird that I’ve been looking forward to the memorial—something else for my future therapist to analyze—but it’s really kept me going. It will be nice to have all the people who are important to me in one place to remember Meg. ’Cause that happens, like, never. Or maybe I’m just looking forward to introducing Joni to my mother.
Sunday morning arrives, and I put on my favorite jeans and a button-down shirt. I wash my hair too. Now that Hope isn’t crying quite so much, I have a little more time